On Being Animals

The first On Being Animals crossover episode! Well, more of a semi-crossover. He's is half of the podcast "Scene Partners". Who is he? He's Ryan, the talented kind soul who is also in the improv troupe "A Little Awkward". He crossed the river to help us discover more about the Disease-Prone Diggysaurus Penis Boy. Along the way, we planned a BBQ rib treasure hunt, we explored the power of reconciliation, and there was dick talk. A lot of dick talk. We are men, but sometimes we are 9 year old boys giggling during sex-ed class. You know what, in the next episode, I'll try to restore genital balance with generous vagina talk. But for now, this animal has an exceptional penis. Most egregious error: I said that this animal has a baculum. Shame on me. This is a baculumless animal.  Science level: this one was a little more philosophical than most.

Back to the real stuff! You've had enough of me pantlessly yammering on about how Orcas make me cry, so I put on my finest denims to host Layoma and her pug-baby Bella. We three went on a quest to discover more about the Drumming Hard Axehead. Along the way, we learned more about vegan corndogs, how scary it is to decide what to do with your life, and how to select teammates for an orgy. If you hear little snorts in the background, that's Bella the second cutest pug in the world.  Most egregious error: not giving Bella more time on the mic! She's so cute. I also forgot to explain how this animals has sex. It's not particularly remarkable, but I could have gone more into it. Maybe next episode. Science level: pretty dang high. Bergman's rule comes up, we talk about acceleration, forces, all sorts of science type stuff. 

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe, she eagerly awaited year in review, part 2. She asked for it, you begged for it, now its's here. We've got 15 animals for you and some juicy rants. There were 13 vertebrates, 10 mammals, 2 birds, 4 ocean dwellers, only 1 ungulate, and about 9ish carnivores (ie: animals that eat other animals). Sociality is on a spectrum, so it can be tricky to categorize, but if we applied a high pass filter, we would find 6 very social animals.  Most egregious error: I forgot to talk about the most astounding aspect of orcas. In the wild, they refuse to hurts humans. I say refuse because they could hurt us in the water, they have good memories, and many of them were alive when humans did horrible things to their pod-mates, yet they refuse to hurt us. Inexplicable. Humbling. Shameful.  Science level: real low, it's all about the feelings! The podcast is about the human-animal feelings we get when we learned about non-human animals

It's been over a year, so let's celebrate by looking back! In this episode of On Being Animals, I take a look back at each of the first 17 animals we discovered together. I try to see what info got stuck in my mind and which feelings burrowed deep into my heart. Of those 17 animals, 15 are vertebrates, 12 are mammals, 2 are birds, 5 are ocean dwellers, there are 3 ungulates, and about 11 eat other animals....though that's more of an 11ish. Tardigrades and Slow Lorises are a bit on the fence. Most egregious error: I didn't have an actual episode ready, so I threw this together. Science level: super low, this is all about feelings!

This episode of On Being Animals got a last second upgrade when Isabelle joined Audrey and me to help us learn more about the Stinging Ballers. They welcomed me into their pinterest adjacent home where we reviewed the Sahara desert, struggled to find the word "sensationalize", and figured out what we didn't make Taylor Swift do. Most egregious error: In episode 1, we learned the difference between poison and venom. In this episode I called the venom poison. Science level: if bad singing is science, then there is A LOT of science in this episode. 

Dear humans, do you like water? Are you ever near small rocks? Are you unsure of your place in the world? Then this episode is definitely for you! Ashley invited me back to her Pinterest home and brought her inquisitive mind along on our quest to discover the Silent Flight Eye Tubes. On the way we learned more about the supernatural, how to survive after crashing a plane in the wilderness, and affairs. Most egregious errors: I called the hole in a tree a burrow, but burrows are underground. The hole in a tree would be a hollow or a cavity. Also, just like in the last episode, I said that fish can't hear, but I've recently learned that there are tons of fish that can hear, isn't that exciting? But the type of fish we are taking about in the past two episodes can't hear. But others can! Science level: medium. I used some fancy words, but I didn't know what they meant. Ash had some great questions that I answered with noises instead of science. 

The one, the only, the other other Rick Deez came by the On Being Animals studio to give us a weekly top 40 about the Social Underwater Alpha. Ricky had great questions and shared some great personal stories that brought us to feeding dogs peanut butter, supporting moms, cold penis, and crushing pennies. Most egregious error: I messed up the sound again, which is frustrating. Or maybe Ricky is really loud. Or maybe both. I also missed a basic fact check on this animal's colouration. The colouration is striking, but it is in fact for camouflage while underwater.  Science level: the plural of anecdote is not science, but heck, anecdotes are fascinating.

I ain't Chris Martin, but I'ma take you back to the start. Nearly a year ago, the On Being Animals podcast kicked off with our first guest, Jovian. He's still just as smart and may be even more whipy than ever. He came back to the studio to help us explore the life of the Chubby Beat-Boxing Netflix Companion. Along the way, we learned about status updates, poop phone, and intercourse timing. Most egregious error: the recorder's battery died during the podcast. I've tried to edit it out seamlessly, but that was a real rookie mistake. If you can figure out where it was, tweet me @onbeinganimals and I'll tweet back my favourite animal gif. Science level: I think I said the word "Hertz", but apart from that, it's mostly us getting lost in tangents.

Clark Sollows came to the studio for a steamy NC17 rated episode on the Stanky Ravenous Binge Slut. He knows tons about animals and is the closest that On Being Animals has been to having an expert guest. We also dove into homelessness, bird watching, and thick brows.  Most egregious errors: I totally messed the Corgi raison d'etre. They were actually originally bred for herding small Welsh cattle. Also, the first nations parliament hill protesters were from Sault Ste. Marie, not Sarnia. Lastly, Pliny the Elder was Roman, not Greek.  Science level: No quadratic equations, but we got into a bunch of social sciences and tipped out hats to the Human Factors profession. 

This episode's animal is the Ooo'Daddy Pee-Pal and it is missing something, but Greg Jones ain't missing nothing! He can rise above the fray information to ask profound questions - the good juicy questions that you crave. We stumbled along and talked about about cage sex, our privilege, and imaginary animal court, where the other animals judge us human animals. Most egregious errors: I tried to make cheap jokes by dropping a hard "C" and later taking a shot at Kentucky. They might have been in poor taste. You know the sayings "buckle up" and "strap in". Well I split the difference and said "buckle in"....which is not a real thing. Oh, Greg and I talked about privilege and we tried very hard to be mindful of what we said, but we may have misspoke out of ignorance. Let me know so we can be better! Science level: Greg dusted off his intro to Biology brain and talked about genotype versus phenotype. Good stuff!  

The master sketch writer, and proud kitty momma Kayla came over to help me discover the Den Dwelling Muncher. But not only that, we developed our new prank show, figured out when to have the lights on for sex, and discussed french cinema. That's right, we classy. Most egregious errors: the stuff comes out of the Den Dwelling Muncher's anus, the wolverine is also known as the skunk bear (not the stink bear), and cockroaches definitely spread all sorts of diseases. I was confident they didn't, but I was very wrong. I should never be in charge of public health. Science level: pretty high, I even use the term "molecular mass" - how 'bout dat?

The world's biggest One Tree Hill fan came to the On Being Animals studio to record this episode. In addition to loving trashy TV, Meghan is well read and her immaculately tended brain garden helped us discover the Slender Fighting Fuzzy Snake. Along the journey, we also discovered fascinating knowledge nuggets about smoke bombs, mental health, and ham skin licking. Most egregious error: I brought up the TV show Highlander. Not a good move. Science level: we got talking about neurotoxins y'all!  

Another road-pod from lovely Montreal! This time it was Andrew who helped me discover the Timid Unicorn Licker. Andrew's a smart cookie and we made startling discoveries about reverse centaurs, Usain Bolt evasion tactics, and the flavour of various white things.  Most egregious error: no huge errors, but I was missing critical info. The song is Nocturnal by Disclosure, elephants have a "musth", it's BBC Earth, Congo has the rare earth element tantalum, the Mauritius kestrel, and I missed the opportunity to make a bi-corn joke. That's a hint that this Timid Unicorn Licker has two horns. Science level: We got into infrasound and then some good speculative tangents.

I packed up the studio and headed down river to Montreal for this episode with Sarah Paré. Her dynamic personality helped us discover the Flexible Loyal Free-Spirit. We also learned more about traditions, grey hairs, and candy issues. Most egregious error: I said cats had fluffier tails than dogs. We accepted that as true in the episode, but I just don't think it holds up. I also said that a tick in french was a "poux", but poux is lice. Tick in French is tique. That was a freebie and I totally messed it. Science level: middle....like not tons, but y'all are still gonna learn.

Did you know that Deb Ring was deep? Super deep. Just supes deep. She brought her deepness and great comedic instinct to the OBA studio for this episode on the Deep Loner Doughnut. We also figured out daily head measurements, the ol' choke n stroke, and the worst car joke of all time. Most egregious error: We were pretty good on the facts thanks to tons of google searches during the episode. Deb even passed the IUD quiz. The biggest error would be me messing up the sound. This is the 21st episode and I'm still not great at it. Deb's not a loud mouth, I'm a shitty sound-tech. Science level: good juicy facts, but mostly silly tangents in this one.  Animals, behaviour, and being people.

Our first multi-guest episode! Doctor Ellen, her charming husband Caliente-Karl, and their unborn child came all the way from Kingston for this episode on the Beautiful Spotted Fish Factory. During the episode, we discovered more about pronunciations, testicular torsion, and the unfairness of weight gain.  Most egregious error: I made two biggies, so you can let me know which one is worse. First we talked about an OBA alumni, the great white shark, and we said it had anything but 5 gills. It has 5 gills. The second big error, I said that I had nieces and nephews. I do not. My cousins have kids, but my siblings don't. Which is worse? Bad OBA alumni fact? Or bad family fact? Oh, and their child was unborn at the time of recording and I was certain it would be a girl. It is no longer unborn and it is a boy. There you have it, three big misses. Science level: very high! Ellen is a doctor of penis medicine, so I learned all sorts of very interesting things.  

Val, aka Miss Ironhide, came by the studio to help us discover more about the Independent Hustle Fin. I'll just come out and say it, there was a lot of sex talk. She was forthright and sincere, which brought us to some really interesting places. In the intimacy of the OBA studio, we both sort of spilled the sex beans about others, so roughly 20 saucy minutes got cut out, but there's sill a lot in there. Apart from the sex, we also explored baby expectations, being in the zone, and nice guys. Most egregious error: I took credit for coming up with the term "victory conditions". I later realized I subconsciously stole that term from the video game Civilization. I'm not much of a gamer, but I definitely had a Civ phase of my life. I'll take credit for applying the term in this context, but I definitely did not coin it. Science level: Not so high. Val's as real as it gets, so there was more life talk than anything else

Val, aka Miss Ironhide, came by the studio to help us discover more about the Independent Hustle Fin. I'll just come out and say it, there was a lot of sex talk. She was forthright and sincere, which brought us to some really interesting places. In the intimacy of the OBA studio, we both sort of spilled the sex beans about others, so roughly 20 saucy minutes got cut out, but there's sill a lot in there. Apart from the sex, we also explored baby expectations, being in the zone, and nice guys.  Most egregious error: I took credit for coming up with the term "victory conditions". I later realized I subconsciously stole that term from the video game Civilization. I'm not much of a gamer, but I definitely had a Civ phase of my life. I'll take credit for applying the term in this context, but I definitely did not coin it. Science level: Not so high. Val's as real as it gets, so there was more life talk than anything else.      

Why is this one so long? Because Matt of Trevor Comedy and I burrowed into the studio like determined ticks and just couldn't stop exploring! His perfect balance of inquisitiveness, wit, and zeal for callbacks allowed us fully understand our Harmonized Social Musk Furry Buddies. The plethora of discoveries included: vehicular crash epiphanies, the world's best one-man band, and flip flops at the urinal. Most egregious error: I think I messed up gender ratios. I said there more males than females, which can be true, but the opposite can also be true. It seems environmental factors and population densities can play a role, but we're not too sure. I think I also overemphasized non-typical mating arrangements. Those non-typical arrangements are pretty rare.  Science level: It's a long one, so in absolute terms, there's a lot of science, but the proportion of science is sort of low because there's a lot of non-science as well. In my opinion, a great balance!

Recorded way back on New Year's day, the astute Blair-bear and I dragged our sleepy butt's outta bed to record this mellow episode. He channeled the Efficient Baby Dropper as we discovered all sorts of stuff on toilet paper, cowardice, and universal basic income.   Most egregious error: I said "antelope seed" when I meant avocado seed. Blair corrected me pretty quick, but wow, that was a doozy. There is such thing as an antelope bitterbush, which must have seeds, but that's not what I was thinking of.   Science level: I'd say average. Lots of facts, but we don't get deep into equations or anything like that.