What The If?

What if humans were the latest must-have pet for trendy aliens? This episode explores the hilarious and bizarre scenario of extraterrestrial beings snatching us up like puppies from a shelter. From alien vets poking and prodding us for space parasites to the culinary delights of human kibble, we dive into the wacky world of human domestication. Discover the joys of alien fashion shows featuring humans in adorable hats, and the headaches caused by mischievous humans forming underground resistance movements at the local alien graveyard. We even ponder the age-old alien question: "Do you think my human understands me when I talk to it in Zorblaxian?" This thought-provoking "what if" scenario was suggested by listener Dan Floyd. --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention The ebook can be ordered here: https://www.neonheml

Fungal-powered robots are no longer science fiction! Scientists have created robots controlled by fungal mycelia that respond to light stimulation. These fungus-bots could revolutionize how we think about artificial intelligence and robotics. But what if our entire society became dependent on fungal-controlled machines? Explore a future where mushrooms pilot mechs, mycelia networks control city infrastructure, and humans must feed their fungal overlords to keep society running. Will this lead to eco-friendly harmony or a mycelial machine uprising? --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention The ebook can be ordered here: https://www.neonhemlock.com/ebooks/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention

Imagine a world where giant, bus-sized nematodes roam the streets, carrying diseases from city to city! In this mind-bending episode, we explore the consequences of scaling up microscopic worms to Dune-like proportions. How would humanity adapt to these massive, translucent creatures? We dive into the science of nematodes, discuss potential worm-washing stations, and even contemplate the philosophy of these 302-neuron behemoths. From worm cowboys to hamster-ball daredevils, this episode will change how you think about the hidden world beneath our feet. --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention The ebook can be ordered here: https://www.neonhemlock.com/ebooks/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention

A speedy little star is racing through the Milky Way at a million miles per hour, fast enough to potentially escape our galaxy. This hypervelocity object, discovered by an amateur astronomer, could be a low-mass star or a brown dwarf. We explore the consequences of such a stellar speedster entering our solar system, from gravitational disruptions to the possibility of Earth being captured and taken along for the ride. Join us as we calculate travel times across the galaxy, ponder life on a planet orbiting a rogue star, and imagine astronomy in a nearly starless sky! --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention The ebook can be ordered here: https://www.neonhemlock.com/ebooks/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention

Imagine a world where gravity fluctuates like the weather, causing chaos in daily life. This episode explores the wild consequences of variable gravity, from spaghettification dangers to the need for gravity forecasts. Discover how changing G-forces would affect everything from air travel to Olympic sports, and ponder the evolutionary adaptations needed to survive in such a world. This mind-bending concept, suggested by listener Joe, pushes the boundaries of physics and imagination. --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention The ebook can be ordered here: https://www.neonhemlock.com/ebooks/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention

What if the Earth started expanding? This episode explores the wild consequences of a constantly growing planet. From elastic roads and stretchy buildings to low-orbit volleyball games and manipults for transportation, discover how life would adapt to an ever-expanding Earth. Learn about the effects on gravity, atmosphere, and infrastructure as the planet grows. Dive into the physics of orbital mechanics at ground level and ponder the fate of our expanding world billions of years into the future. From weekly city regatherings to the challenges of maintaining fiber optic cables, uncover the bizarre realities of life on a planet that won't stop growing. --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention The ebook can be ordered here: https://www.neonhemlock.com/ebooks/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention

Buckle up for a mind-bending journey into a world where memories vanish faster than you can say "What did I just...?" What if our brains could only hold onto thoughts for a measly 30 seconds? Would cavemen become the ultimate goldfish, forgetting they're running from saber-toothed tigers mid-sprint? Could humanity evolve into a society of Post-it note addicts, desperately scribbling reminders to breathe? Explore the hilarious and horrifying implications of life with short-term memory, from accidental daily spouse-swapping to the potential rise of a Mario Kart-based civilization. Discover how video games might become our cognitive saviors, and ponder whether we'd all turn into walking, talking hard drives just to remember our own names. It's a forgetful fiesta that'll leave you questioning reality - if you can remember it long enough! --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/lu

We welcome our newest Patreon supporter, Martin from Frankfurt, Germany! Inspired by the Paris Olympics which open today, we imagine Olympic events spread across the solar system in the year 3024! High jumps on the Moon, luge races on asteroids, and synchronized swimming in Titan's methane lakes. Athletes train in centrifuges to prepare for different gravities, while spectators watch solar sail races near the Sun. The episode explores the physics of sports in various planetary conditions, from the dense atmosphere of Jupiter to the microgravity of space stations. Learn about the challenges of organizing interplanetary competitions and the potential for new sports unique to each celestial body. --- Check out our membership rewards! Visit us at Patreon.com/Whattheif Got an IF of your own? Want to have us consider your idea for a show topic? Send YOUR IF to us! Email us at feedback@whattheif.com and let us know what's in your imagination. No idea is too small, or too big! Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe a

Dive into the intriguing world of microbial terraforming on Planet Hendrix! This episode explores how scientists use unique microbes to transform barren extraterrestrial landscapes into potentially habitable environments. Discover the fascinating processes behind microbial mining, mineral creation, and atmosphere alteration, and how these tiny organisms could pave the way for future human colonization. Learn about the Great Oxidation Event and its Earthly impacts, and imagine the possibilities when humanity harnesses these microbial powers on other planets. --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention The ebook can be ordered here: https://www.neonhemlock.com/ebooks/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention

Step into a wild world where ancient Greek philosophers are YouTube sensations! Picture Aristotle running multiple channels, Socrates hosting heated philosophical debates, and Odysseus vlogging his epic journey home. We dive into the hilarious and thought-provoking scenarios of Greek legends navigating the digital age. What if Alexander the Great livestreamed his conquests? Could Diogenes become the ultimate internet troll? Join us as we explore how YouTube's algorithm might shake up the spread of ideas in ancient Greece. Get ready for a wild ride through an alternate history where togas meet technology!

Explore a world where life is based on silicon instead of carbon, swimming in sulfuric acid oceans and breathing in clouds of acid rain. Imagine transparent armadillo-like creatures with glass bones, communicating through resonant frequencies. Ponder the possibilities of silicon-based trees with blue interiors and the challenges of interspecies cohabitation. This episode delves into the chemistry, biology, and potential evolution of silicon-based life forms, from microscopic bacteria to intelligent civilizations. --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention The ebook can be ordered here: https://www.neonhemlock.com/ebooks/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention

Inspired by a fascinating article about why moths are lured to lights at night, this mind-bending episode explores a wild scenario - what if humans navigated the world like moths, perpetually drawn to the scent of pizza? Delve into the intricacies of moth navigation, ant death spirals, and how our cities and societies might be organized around an insatiable pizza obsession. From pizza-oriented city grids designed to capture savory scents to pharaohs using pizza to construct pyramids, the hilarious thought experiment takes you on a journey that will change how you see pepperoni forever. --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention The ebook can be ordered here: https://www.neonhemlock.com/ebooks/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention

In this mind-blowing episode, we explore how one man's quest to create artificial fertilizer transformed the trajectory of human history. Inspired by listener Martin from Frankfurt, we dive into the story of Fritz Haber, whose discovery of the Haber-Bosch process for synthesizing ammonia not only revolutionized agriculture and saved billions from starvation but also fueled the rise of chemical weapons in World War I. From explosive bat guano to the delicate balance of ding-dongs and Twinkies, we unravel the complex web connecting fertilizer, food production, and the very bombs that shaped the 20th century. Brace yourself for a wild ride through the unintended consequences of scientific breakthroughs! —

Here’s Martin’s email to us which includes lots more information and links to learn more about his intriguing IF! From: Martin Subject: A world without NH3 (a What The If idea) I had another idea for a potential IF, or - to give credit where credit is due - my colleague Thomas has it. He read that BASF in

Dive into the bizarre world of anglerfish mating rituals in this wildly entertaining episode! Discover how these deep-sea creatures evolved an unconventional strategy for reproduction in the ocean's dark depths. From males biting and fusing to much larger females, to becoming nothing more than sperm-producing parasites, the strange tale of anglerfish love will leave you amazed and slightly unsettled. Join us as we imagine a human society built on anglerfish rules - where tiny men chase after gigantic women in hopes of clamping on for life. It's a thought-provoking journey filled with humor and scientific intrigue that you won't want to miss! Read the New York Times article: https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/30/science/anglerfish-evolution-sex.html?pvid=kolzEZ0s23v76fE8YxZOhk03&u2g=c&smid=url-share --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-

Explore what it means to live as Schrödinger's Cat! Delve into the mind-bending concept of being in two states at once and how it would feel to experience quantum superposition. Discover modern AI’s take on this classic thought experiment, laugh over a dance floor encounter with Mick Jagger, and hear fascinating tales from history, including an atomic bomb project. This episode is packed with intriguing theories and humorous elements, making the quantum world more relatable. Perfect for both science enthusiasts and curious minds, this journey will challenge your perception of existence!

Today's cover art, crafted by listener Josh Haberman, features heavy metal merpeople in whalebone armor inspired by Gaby's vision in our "Underwater Civilizations" episode. Explore more of Josh's work at his blog: https://artofjoshhaberman.blogspot.com and share your own inspired creations! We're sharing "Space Vacuum MONSTERS!" as an encore presentation while Team IF is away from the studio. This episode delves into cosmic wilderness, exploring space vacuum monsters and metaphoric Kaiju that inhabit the remote corners of the universe. Inspired by one of Gaby's imaginative short stories, "A Sword Between The Stars," it originally aired a while back. Today, we celebrate Gaby, not only for her creative contributions but also for her recent achievement in earning her PhD from Rockefeller University. Congratulations, Gaby, on this wonderful accomplishment! Gaby's short story "A Sword Between The Stars" is featured in the anthology "Luminescent Machinations: Queer Tales of Monumental Invention," available at Neo

Matt & Gaby are away on assignment! So I'm alone here in the studio, presenting you with an encore presentation of my conversation with the Star Trek computer which aired last year and became one of our most popular episodes ever. Enjoy! -- Philip ----

Do we truly have free will or are our choices predetermined by the particles that make up our universe? This mind-bending episode dives into the age-old debate of free will vs determinism. Explore the fascinating implications of a world without free will - from everyday social interactions to moral responsibility. Discover how the laws of physics might turn us into mere "billiard balls" with our paths set in motion since the Big Bang. But is there a glimmer of hope in the randomness of quantum mechanics? Join the thought-provoking discussion and decide for yourself - if you have a choice, that is!

Team IF is OFF this week, we're celebrating Gaby becoming DR. GABY with the completion of her PhD at Rockefeller University!!! We're super proud of her. So this week we present this encore presentation of one of our most popular episodes, enjoy, and keep those emails coming! WhatTheIF.com/contact -- and send your congratulations to Gaby! --- We salute our newest Patreon members. Thank you: Connie, Martin, and Dan! Welcome to an icy exploration of reality on this episode of "What The IF?" Dive headfirst into a brain-freezing alternate universe, as Philip, Freya, Gabby, and Matt grapple with an extraordinary question, submitted by our Super Iffer listener, Martin from Frankfurt: What the if... water did not have its highest density at plus four degrees Celsius? The team embarks on an adventure that treads the fine line between physics and biology, unwrapping the counter-intuitive conundrums and startling possibilities that lie ahead. In this bewildering world, ice doesn't float and frozen lakes become dead

This week on "What The IF?" Philip and Gaby tackle the uproarious tale of a fish so small it could masquerade as a grain of rice, yet so loud it puts rock concerts to shame! In the streams of Myanmar, this tiny troubadour belts out love ballads louder than a jackhammer to woo its mate. The episode dives into the science behind why this minuscule creature needs to be heard, not just seen. Join us for a soundcheck in nature's own concert hall, where volume is the key to romance and survival. Get ready to turn up the volume and tune in to one of nature's smallest but mightiest vocalists. Inspired by the reporting of Elizabeth Anne Brown in the Scientific American article, “This Tiny Fish Makes an Ear-Blasting Screech for Love” https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/this-tiny-fish-makes-an-ear-blasting-screech-for-love/ --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-m