What The If?

The current US Administration's sudden gutting of science funding is creating an unprecedented crisis. Scientists are waking up to find themselves unemployed, as anonymous officials pull the plug on research programs with no warning or debate. This episode examines the immediate fallout as laboratory freezers shut down, irreplaceable samples are lost, and researchers scramble to preserve years of work. What comes next could be devastating - a potential mass exodus of scientific talent. If funding isn't restored, we face an imminent brain drain as researchers seek opportunities elsewhere, mirroring historical parallels from Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union's collapse. Major universities have already canceled graduate admissions, threatening to eliminate an entire generation of future scientists. The consequences of these actions extend far beyond academia - agricultural failures, increased disease outbreaks, and environmental deterioration await a society that abandons its scientific foundations. We finish

We're sharing our bonus show this week that is usually available only to our Patreon supporters. This week's Beyond the IF continues our sobering discussion about the rapidly deteriorating state of science funding in America. The conversation took us deeper into the real-world impacts we're already seeing - from major universities canceling all graduate admissions to a student who landed a Park Service job only to have it eliminated before she could even start. These aren't hypothetical scenarios anymore; they're happening to real people right now. We also discussed the historical precedents for what happens when countries drive out their scientific talent. From Nazi Germany to the Soviet Union's collapse, the pattern is disturbingly familiar - and often ends with those experts enriching other nations instead. For those of you wondering what you can do, we shared information about the Stand Up for Science event on March 7th and other ways to make your voice heard. Your support is more important than ever a

Picture a world where meteor showers aren't just annual events - they're a constant barrage of cosmic debris raining down from above. From sonic booms that make sleep impossible to the challenges of titanium umbrella manufacturing, explore how humanity might cope with endless celestial bombardment. Discover why the moon's pockmarked surface could become Earth's new normal, why your local cathedral might be built from meteorite fragments, and how our atmosphere would transform into a perpetual blanket of dust that could make plants nostalgic for sunlight. Based on ideas sparked by Dr. Matthew Stanley's upcoming book on the history of asteroid impact awareness. --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention The ebook can be ordered here: https://www.neonhemlock.com/ebooks/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-i

Imagine a world where garbage grows faster than we can handle it. From towering mountains of trash transforming Central Park into a burn pit, to fashionable gas masks becoming the next big trend, to super-sized Pizza Rats dragging entire pies down subway stairs - Matt touches on what happens when our waste production spirals out of control. Discover the fascinating science behind Norway's garbage-to-energy programs, learn why your building's trash chute might be too small for modern waste, and find out how launching garbage into space could create daily meteor showers. Whether we end up building higher and higher on top of our refuse or turning landfills into beautiful parks, one thing's certain: the future is trashy. Here are links to the article that inspired today’s “If,” and also links to the work of photographer Jade Doskow, the official photographer of the Fresh Kills transformation project, turning the old landfill into a vast wooded parkland in New York City. - NYTimes - "A Century of Human Detritus

What if humans only needed to poop twice a year? Listener Randy Woods sent in this fascinating question that explores everything from subway systems suddenly smelling fresher to plumbers planning career changes in a world where human waste becomes a rare event. Dive into the fascinating science of gut microbiomes, learn why having "zero waste" might wreak havoc on Earth's ecosystems, and discover why some scientists think the total elimination of poop could cause an evolutionary crisis. Through engineered gut bacteria or artificially created super-digestible food, this episode examines how our bodies would need to change to achieve this drastically different biological reality. --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention The ebook can be ordered here: https://www.neonhemlock.com/ebooks/luminescent-machinations-queer-ta

What if humans could only move eight inches in 24 hours? After watching mushroom corals take a full day to scoot that far, we explore life at an even slower pace than sloths. Trade sprinting after prey for the exciting new sport of not moving at all! Develop a metabolism so slow you'll make a sloth look hyperactive, grow some stylish moss camouflage, and discover why traveling one foot becomes the adventure of a lifetime. Turns out the slow life comes with some surprising survival strategies - just don't expect to chase down your dinner anymore. Based on "These Corals Are Made for Walking" by Jason Bittel, published in The New York Times on Jan. 22, 2025 (https://www.nytimes.com/2025/01/22/science/walking-coral.html?smid=url-share). --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention The ebook can be ordered here: https://www

What if we could harness the superior problem-solving abilities of ants? After scientists discovered that ants outperform humans at maneuvering objects through mazes (even when the humans can see but aren't allowed to talk or gesture), we imagine a world where humans learn to control these master cooperators. From ant armies forming living conveyor belts to deliver mail, to using chemical trails to guide them in cleaning houses, explore what happens when humans try to domesticate insects for manual labor. Just don't get too squeamish when you learn it takes 150 million ants to move your couch! Based on "Ants best humans at test of collective intelligence" by Christie Wilcox, published in Science.org on December 30, 2024 (https://www.science.org/content/article/ants-best-humans-test-collective-intelligence). --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-que

Here's our Bonus show, "Beyond The IF" which we record each week for our Patreon supporters. We're sharing it here so you can get a taste of what it's like. If you're not a Patreon supporter, you can learn more about the benefits available to all our wonderful members at patreon.com/whattheif. We continued the show by talking about the fascinating world of ants—their wars, their teamwork, and how they recognize each other using scent. These tiny creatures gave us plenty to think about. Gaby also shared a brief take on how misunderstandings of basic science, like pasteurization, can lead to unnecessary fear. Her thoughts on the need for tackling misinformation and protecting public health were insightful. Thanks for listening, and keep on Iffin’.

What if toxic chemicals weren't toxic anymore? Take a magical tour through a world where mercury becomes the ultimate playground material for ice skating, lead paint makes a dazzling comeback in interior design, and DDT returns as humanity's mosquito-fighting champion. Inspired by Larry Woods' whimsical question, this episode dives into the surprising history of mercury in hat-making (spoiler: this explains why the Mad Hatter was actually mad), Newton's ill-advised alchemical adventures with toxic metals, and the fascinating science of why you can float an anvil on mercury but can't actually swim in it. From Elizabethan lead-based makeup to mercury-filled thermometers in unfortunate dogs, discover the wild world of substances that used to kill us but now just want to be friends. --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-inventi

Your houseplants might be screaming right now, but you'd never know it (unless you're a moth). Scientists discovered that stressed and dehydrated plants emit ultrasonic clicks that moths can hear and use to choose where to lay their eggs - like tiny vegetative Yelp reviews. But what if humans could also tune into this botanical broadcasting network? From coffee shops filled with complaining houseplants to ultrasonic opera singers hitting notes that would make dogs cover their ears, explore a world where humans can hear the full spectrum of sound. And yes, your dying Christmas tree is probably making more noise than your neighbor's teenage garage band. Based on the article "When They Hear Plants Crying, Moths Make a Decision" by Gennaro Tomma, from the New York Times Science section at https://www.nytimes.com/2024/12/06/science/moths-hearing-plant-sounds.html --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://ww

What happens after humans? According to fascinating research from Oxford University, octopi might be perfectly positioned to become Earth's next civilization builders. These eight-armed innovators could evolve over millions of years into six-foot-tall underwater architects, developing amazing technologies like saltwater-hardened concrete and creating Venice-style coastal cities. Picture a future where octopi run underwater factories and construct amphibious settlements along what used to be Miami's coastline! Join Philip and Gaby as they explore this mind-bending possibility and imagine what an octopus civilization might look like. Based on the article "If Humans Die Out, Octopuses Already Have the Chops to Build the Next Civilization, Scientist Claims" by Sarah Wells in Popular Mechanics on Dec 13, 2024 at https://www.popularmechanics.com/science/animals/a63184424/octopus-civilization/ --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can

Ever wonder what would happen if life got flipped in a molecular mirror? In this episode, we explore the fascinating possibility of creating mirror-image life forms. Picture bacteria with every molecule backwards - like they've been pulled through the looking glass! Our immune systems would be totally confused, like trying to read a book reflected in a spoon. These backwards bugs would need their own special backwards food, and might create their own unique mirror-world ecosystem alongside our regular one. From double-helix DNA that spirals the wrong way to proteins that do everything in reverse, discover the weird and wonderful world of molecular mirror images and how they could create a second tree of life right here on Earth. Based on the New York Times article "A Second Tree of Life Could Wreak Havoc, Scientists Warn" by Carl Zimmer (December 12, 2024) https://www.nytimes.com/2024/12/12/science/mirror-life-microbes-research.html?unlocked_article_code=1.iE4.DJDO.CQlOrQ-08aNQ&smid=url-share --- Find out m

Google's DeepMind has shattered a long-standing barrier in weather forecasting, achieving reliable 15-day predictions that were previously thought impossible due to chaos theory. Traditional fortune tellers are nervously updating their résumés as AI tackles the age-old question: if we can predict the weather two weeks out, what else can we predict? From knowing which baseball team will win before the first pitch to figuring out if you'll actually remember your briefcase tomorrow morning, explore how increasingly accurate predictions could reshape our understanding of choice, destiny, and whether you really had any choice about reading this description at all. Based on "Google Introduces A.I. Agent That Aces 15-Day Weather Forecasts" by William J. Broad, The New York Times, December 4, 2024. https://www.nytimes.com/2024/12/04/science/google-ai-weather-forecast.html --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : http

What the if coffee was 11 times more powerful? Explore a world where cities install coffee pipeline infrastructure, coffee fountains replace water fountains, and everyone runs instead of walks. Watch society transform as coffee cartels become global powers, precision work becomes impossible, and sports games turn into high-speed chaos. From thimble-sized coffee portions to the rise of basement caffeine synthesizers, discover how civilization adapts when every cup of coffee packs the punch of eleven. --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention The ebook can be ordered here: https://www.neonhemlock.com/ebooks/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention

Here's our Bonus show, "Beyond The IF" which we record each week for our Patreon supporters. I'm sharing it here so you can get a taste of what it's like. If you're not a Patreon supporter, you can learn more about the benefits available to all our wonderful members at patreon.com/whattheif. On this week's bonus after-party show... What starts with toilet water and ends with dissolving takeout containers? We began with Singapore's recycled water beer at COP29 and found ourselves exploring everything from Massachusetts' fancy locking compost bins to New York's experimental waste programs. The conversation flowed through the surprisingly dramatic history of why we ditched glass for plastic (spoiler: it wasn't for the planet), and landed us in the world of disappearing food containers and compostable bags that actually break down instead of sticking around for a few centuries. We thank all our Patreons for supporting our weekly adventures through science, even when they start in unusual places. Wishing you

What happens when your toilet water gets a career change and becomes a craft beer? At COP29 in Azerbaijan, Singapore's showing off exactly that with their hoppy pilsner made from recycled wastewater. Discover the fascinating world of water reclamation where sewage gets a spectacular makeover through advanced treatment systems. Learn how treatment plants transform waste into pure water through an incredible process involving bacterial helpers, sand filters, and high-tech purification. From delegates sipping recycled brew to a future where every drop of water might get a second chance, explore what our beverage scene could look like when we push sustainability to new limits. Today's episode is inspired by the article "This Beer Is Made From Sewage. And at the Climate Summit, That's OK" by Rebecca F. Elliott in The New York Times at https://www.nytimes.com/2024/11/22/climate/cop29-beer-toilet-water.html —- Hear Matt's upcoming lecture: On November 25, 2024 he will be doing a virtual lecture on "Historical Sol

Ready to meet your friendly neighborhood nuclear reactor? Join us for a wild exploration of what could happen if mini atomic power plants popped up on every block! We'll peek into a future where spent fuel rods might be stored in the local "parking lot," and your next-door neighbor could be a nuclear engineer. Discover the surprising possibilities (and peculiar problems) of bringing nuclear power into suburbia, why those iconic cooling towers might become as common as coffee shops, and what it would really mean to have atomic energy right around the corner. This week's episode is inspired by the New York Times article "U.S. Bets on Small Nuclear Reactors to Help Fix a Huge Climate Problem" by Brad Plumer on Nov. 12, 2023. Read it here: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2023/11/12/climate/nuclear-reactors-clean-energy.html?smid=url-share Hear Matt's upcoming lecture: On November 25, 2024 he will be doing a virtual lecture on "Historical Solar Eclipse Observations". Tune in! https://factorvalue.org/2024/11/

Would you merge with someone if you could? When scientists discovered comb jellies spontaneously fusing into single organisms, it opened up wild possibilities for human fusion powers. Picture medieval knights sporting extra arms from fusion transplants, towering academic hive minds preserving centuries of knowledge, and partners literally sharing brain space to understand each other's fields. From coordinated jellyfish movements to the cultural implications of a fusion-powered society, we explore what happens when biology meets Dark Souls. Episode inspired by Carl Zimmer's New York Times article "When Two Sea Aliens Become One" (https://www.nytimes.com/2024/10/07/science/comb-jellies-fusing-bodies.html?smid=url-share). --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention The ebook can be ordered here: https://www.neonhemlock.co

Based on new research reported by Matt Williams in Universe Today, an Earth-like planet orbiting a white dwarf star 4,000 light years away might offer a preview of our own solar system's distant future. Journey through the dramatic transformation as our Sun expands into a massive red giant, consuming Mercury and Venus before shedding its outer layers and shrinking to a tiny white dwarf. Explore how Earth might survive this cosmic evolution, migrating to a more distant orbit in a permanently frozen state where ice badgers could theoretically evolve to thrive in the dim light of our shrunken star. Read the article in Universe Today: https://www.universetoday.com/168746/an-earth-like-planet-around-a-dead-sun-provides-some-reassurance-about-the-future-of-earth/#more-168746 --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention The e

Scientists discover that playing white noise can make beneficial fungi grow seven times faster than usual. This breakthrough could help restore damaged forests by using sound to promote fungal growth that supports tree health. Explore how fungi act as nature's traders, exchanging nutrients with trees through complex underground networks. Learn about the potential applications, from healing ecosystems to growing prized black truffles, and imagine a future where music helps plants thrive and highway noise creates blooming roadside gardens. --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention The ebook can be ordered here: https://www.neonhemlock.com/ebooks/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention