What The If?

[Matt & Gaby are away this week, so please enjoy this Encore Presentation of one of our most popular episodes.] What The IF... you could see the TRUE SCALE of the Universe? We imagine entering the notorious torture device from he dastardly mind of the great Douglas Adams. Tune in to find out how it feels, and bring a BIG EGO and a hunger for fairy cake because this is a mind expanding adventure if you have a tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny HUMAN MIND. Don't Panic! ---- Got an IF of your own? Want to have us consider your idea for a show topic? Send YOUR IF to us! Email us at feedback@whattheif.com and let us know what's in your imagination. No idea is too small, or too big! --- Want to support the show? Click a rating or add a review on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcast app! itunes.apple.com/podcast/id1250517051?mt=2&ls=1 Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe at WhatTheIF.com Keep On IFFin', Philip, Matt & Gaby

What if climate change made submarines completely undetectable? As ocean temperatures rise, thermal layers are disrupting sonar so dramatically that entire regions become acoustic dead zones where submarines can hide indefinitely. Watch civilization adapt when nuclear subs vanish into warm water pockets, jellyfish swarms clog warship engines, and whale songs get drowned out by thermal chaos. Welcome to a world where jellyfish defeat the entire nuclear navy without even trying. Based on "Submarines are Hard to Detect. Climate Change May Make It Even Harder" by Jacob Judah, published in The New York Times on June 12, 2025. Read it for free with this gift link https://www.nytimes.com/2025/06/12/climate/climate-change-submarines-sonar.html?unlocked_article_code=1.Ok8.ozn_.CJWn28rg1ezR&smid=url-share --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-

What if the universe was stuck in an eternal cosmic Groundhog Day? Picture traveling backwards through time past the Big Bang only to discover you've looped right back to where you started - like a cosmic snake eating its own tail. Explore the mind-bending possibility that our entire universe repeats itself in endless cycles, where infinite copies of you exist scattered across millions of light years, all having this exact same conversation at different stages of cosmic evolution. Join cosmologist Niayesh Afshordi from the University of Waterloo and Perimeter Institute for Theoretical Physics, and science communicator Phil Halper, fellow of the Royal Astronomical Society, as they dive into Roger Penrose's controversial time loops and the heated scientific battles between cosmologists who engage in academic warfare. Discover the wild world where the universe literally forgets what's big and what's small, why some scientists think this cyclical cosmos is the answer to everything, while others call it pure fanta

What if teaching robots to play badminton was the beginning of the end? Scientists at ETH Zurich have successfully trained four-legged robots with mechanical arms to track shuttlecocks, navigate courts, and execute precise strikes against human players. But once these robots master the art of intercepting flying objects, what's next? Watch civilization unravel as badminton-playing robots evolve from harmless sporting partners to grenade-deflecting military units, eventually leading to wandering herds of sentient apartment buildings roaming the Great Plains while playing eternal badminton matches. From robotic sous chefs who season your cast iron wrong to buildings having midlife crises after the humans disappear, discover why teaching robots sports coordination might be humanity's final folly. Bonus: learn why nobody can fold a fitted sheet except Philip. Based on "Learning coordinated badminton skills for legged manipulators" by Yuntao Ma, Andrei Cramariuc, Farbod Farshidian, and Marco Hutter, published in

We're off this week for the Memorial Day Holiday in the US so we present here one of our most popular episodes, a classic IF from August 13, 2021 with the incomparable marine biologist from Australia, Dr. Vanessa Pirotta. Take a deep breath and enjoy this deep dive! ---- WHALES spend their entire lives inside a medium, water, in which they can’t actually breathe. So throughout the day, and the night, they have to swim to the surface to take a breath of that sweet, sweet ocean air… or they die! We humans, and other land lubber mammals like us, are spoiled, just inhale, anytime you want, and… problem solved. But — What The IF humans had to breathe by dunking our head in water? The amazing Dr. Vanessa Pirotta joins us from Sydney, Australia to take us into the wet and wild thought experiment, so we can learn real science! Imagine living the life of the whale, turned on it’s head. What world would we have built if our bodies worked this way? It’s like what if we emerged from the oceans, as we believe life

What if gene editing treatments become commonplace? Explore a world where a single DNA letter gets fixed with just three little shots, transforming deadly genetic disorders into manageable conditions. Babies born unable to clear toxic ammonia from their bodies now thrive after a simple genetic correction. Future treatments could target everything from sickle cell anemia to cystic fibrosis with similar precision. Imagine celebrating your bar mitzvah with a shot that cures your ancestral lactose intolerance, or future space travelers editing their genes for better bone density in zero-G. Just one microscopic change – like fixing a computer program's typo – can mean the difference between a short, painful existence and a normal, healthy life. Based on "Baby is Healed with World's First Personalized Gene Editing Treatment" by Gina Colada, published in the New York Times on May 16, 2025. https://www.nytimes.com/2025/05/15/health/gene-editing-personalized-rare-disorders.html?unlocked_article_code=1.Hk8.SpxN.mMIhoA

What if you could build up a resistance to absolutely anything through repeated exposure? Inspired by the real-life story of Tim Friede, who injected himself with increasing doses of snake venom until he developed immunity, this episode explores a world where humans can become resistant to gravity, car crashes, or even anvils to the head. From specialized training centers at the mall that progressively drop heavier objects on your skull to high school gym classes where kids graduate from Barbie cars to full-sized vehicles, discover how society would transform if human biology could adapt to literally anything. We explore how careers would change - plumbers resistant to bad smells, electricians handling live wires with bare hands - and how regional human subspecies might emerge based on local hazards. Would the Upper East Side elite compete to make their babies anvil-proof before their first birthday? In this world, your skull thickness might become your most valuable credential, and Halloween costumes would

What if humans and all mammals hatched from eggs? This episode explores a world where expectant parents carry decorated eggs to work, conference tables have special egg holders, and the Upper East Side boasts expensive hatcheries playing Mozart to developing offspring. From the marketing potential of personalized egg covers to the social stigmas of different egg-carrying methods, discover how our relationship with reproduction and parenting would transform. Would human eggs be leathery like reptiles or hard like birds? How would we adapt our homes, workplaces, and social structures for portable babies-to-be? And would egg-swapping become the new worry for anxious parents? This thought-provoking scenario was submitted by listener Anne from Queens, New York. --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention The ebook can be or

Experience outer space without leaving Earth's atmosphere! Join planetary geologist and space lifestyle coach Kirby Runyon as he guides us through cosmic destinations on our own planet. From New Mexico's lava flows that mirror the Moon's dark volcanic plains to Northern Arizona's Meteor Crater (where three downtown Philadelphias could fit in the bottom), discover Earth's surprising cosmic connections. Float weightlessly in a modified Boeing 727 as it performs "parabolic arcs" giving you 20 seconds of perfect freedom where your face muscles relax and your arms float zombie-like in front of you. Or visit steam explosion craters in Southern California that reveal what early Mars looked like billions of years ago. The universe is more accessible than you think - you just need to know where to look. Learn more at https://planex.space/ and use promo code KirbyPlanEX to save 5% on Zero-G flights at https://gozeroG.com/ --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the antholo

Embark on a mind-bending thought experiment as our intrepid explorers dive deep into the annals of history, imagining how early humans might have unraveled the mysteries of solar eclipses. From cave paintings to mythical tales of celestial dragons, join the journey as Throg and his tribe attempt to make sense of the sun's sudden disappearance. Joins us as we ponder the birth of astronomy and the evolution of scientific thinking. --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention The ebook can be ordered here: https://www.neonhemlock.com/ebooks/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention

What if humans never stood upright and remained quadrupeds? Our world would transform into a society where everything is built low to the ground. Imagine shopping carts you push with your face, stadiums with no chairs where everyone sits like animals, and the social awkwardness of having your posterior constantly on display. The loss of our hands would dramatically impact agriculture, cooking, and sports—though we'd excel at truffle hunting and finding loose change. Discover why our spines might actually thank us for going horizontal, how backpacks would become "saddlebags," and why having mouth-operated tools might make friendship more necessary than ever. This thought-provoking "what if" scenario was suggested by listener Anne Fizzard from Queens, New York. --- Check out Gaby’s new sci-fi short story in The Map Of Lost Places!  https://www.apexbookcompany.com/products/the-map-of-lost-places

What if the fundamental forces of nature could change with time? Step into a universe where gravity might send you floating to the ceiling one morning, your coffee maker stops working as electricity changes its rules, and your very atoms could suddenly decide to explode. From your nervous system running on unpredictable electrical currents to the strong nuclear force taking a day off, discover how even tiny fluctuations in these cosmic constants would transform daily life into surreal chaos. Turns out the orderliness of our universe might be more miraculous than we realized - change any force by one part in a billion, and we wouldn't be here complaining about it. Based on "More Than a Hint’ That Dark Energy Isn’t What Astronomers Thought" by Katrina Miller and Dennis Overbye, published in The New York Times on March 19, 2025. https://www.nytimes.com/2025/03/19/science/space/astronomer-desi-dark-energy.html?smid=url-share&unlocked_article_code=1.-E4.npTp.cMswMP6FDuKn --- Find out more about Gaby's science f

What if filmmakers took their cameras to space? Prepare for a world of zero-G cinematography! From weather-sealed cameras designed to handle unexpected astronaut vomit to the perpetual hum of life-support systems ruining your audio, documentary filmmaking in orbit presents unique challenges. Discover why the International Space Station's lighting is "just awful," how playing a guitar in microgravity sends you spinning in unexpected directions, and why the first task in every Mars simulation is fixing the eternally broken toilet. Explore how future space workers will need specialized trade skills—from plumbers to welders—as humanity expands beyond Earth. This thought-provoking "what if" scenario features insights from documentary filmmaker Sam Burbank and Explore Mars CEO Chris Carberry. —— Chris Carberry is the CEO and co-founder of Explore Mars, Inc. (Explore Mars), a 501(c)(3) nonprofit space advocacy organization that was created to advance the goal of sending humans to Mars by the mid-2030s. Carberry i

Note from Philip: Matt and Gaby are both on assignment this week, so we proudly present an encore of one of our most popular episodes ever. ——— We welcome our newest Patreon supporter, Martin from Frankfurt, Germany! Inspired by the Paris Olympics which open today, we imagine Olympic events spread across the solar system in the year 3024! High jumps on the Moon, luge races on asteroids, and synchronized swimming in Titan's methane lakes. Athletes train in centrifuges to prepare for different gravities, while spectators watch solar sail races near the Sun. The episode explores the physics of sports in various planetary conditions, from the dense atmosphere of Jupiter to the microgravity of space stations. Learn about the challenges of organizing interplanetary competitions and the potential for new sports unique to each celestial body. --- Check out our membership rewards! Visit us at Patreon.com/Whattheif Got an IF of your own? Want to have us consider your idea for a show topic? Send YOUR IF to us! E

In a world where no creature ever evolved wings, island ecosystems would be barren wastelands, Darwin might never have filled his bathtub with broccoli, and wars might be less explosive due to the absence of bird guano for making gunpowder. Explore an Earth where dragonflies never buzzed, butterflies never fluttered, and humans might have focused exclusively on land speed instead of aerospace. From the philosophical implications of never seeing flight in action to the surprisingly massive ecological importance of flying poop-dispersers, this episode dives into the cascading consequences of a planet permanently grounded. This thought-provoking "what if" scenario was suggested by listener Steve Scalici. Find out more about how to march in support of American science by visiting https://standupforscience2025.org --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-

The current US Administration's sudden gutting of science funding is creating an unprecedented crisis. Scientists are waking up to find themselves unemployed, as anonymous officials pull the plug on research programs with no warning or debate. This episode examines the immediate fallout as laboratory freezers shut down, irreplaceable samples are lost, and researchers scramble to preserve years of work. What comes next could be devastating - a potential mass exodus of scientific talent. If funding isn't restored, we face an imminent brain drain as researchers seek opportunities elsewhere, mirroring historical parallels from Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union's collapse. Major universities have already canceled graduate admissions, threatening to eliminate an entire generation of future scientists. The consequences of these actions extend far beyond academia - agricultural failures, increased disease outbreaks, and environmental deterioration await a society that abandons its scientific foundations. We finish

We're sharing our bonus show this week that is usually available only to our Patreon supporters. This week's Beyond the IF continues our sobering discussion about the rapidly deteriorating state of science funding in America. The conversation took us deeper into the real-world impacts we're already seeing - from major universities canceling all graduate admissions to a student who landed a Park Service job only to have it eliminated before she could even start. These aren't hypothetical scenarios anymore; they're happening to real people right now. We also discussed the historical precedents for what happens when countries drive out their scientific talent. From Nazi Germany to the Soviet Union's collapse, the pattern is disturbingly familiar - and often ends with those experts enriching other nations instead. For those of you wondering what you can do, we shared information about the Stand Up for Science event on March 7th and other ways to make your voice heard. Your support is more important than ever a

Picture a world where meteor showers aren't just annual events - they're a constant barrage of cosmic debris raining down from above. From sonic booms that make sleep impossible to the challenges of titanium umbrella manufacturing, explore how humanity might cope with endless celestial bombardment. Discover why the moon's pockmarked surface could become Earth's new normal, why your local cathedral might be built from meteorite fragments, and how our atmosphere would transform into a perpetual blanket of dust that could make plants nostalgic for sunlight. Based on ideas sparked by Dr. Matthew Stanley's upcoming book on the history of asteroid impact awareness. --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention The ebook can be ordered here: https://www.neonhemlock.com/ebooks/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-i

Imagine a world where garbage grows faster than we can handle it. From towering mountains of trash transforming Central Park into a burn pit, to fashionable gas masks becoming the next big trend, to super-sized Pizza Rats dragging entire pies down subway stairs - Matt touches on what happens when our waste production spirals out of control. Discover the fascinating science behind Norway's garbage-to-energy programs, learn why your building's trash chute might be too small for modern waste, and find out how launching garbage into space could create daily meteor showers. Whether we end up building higher and higher on top of our refuse or turning landfills into beautiful parks, one thing's certain: the future is trashy. Here are links to the article that inspired today’s “If,” and also links to the work of photographer Jade Doskow, the official photographer of the Fresh Kills transformation project, turning the old landfill into a vast wooded parkland in New York City. - NYTimes - "A Century of Human Detritus

What if humans only needed to poop twice a year? Listener Randy Woods sent in this fascinating question that explores everything from subway systems suddenly smelling fresher to plumbers planning career changes in a world where human waste becomes a rare event. Dive into the fascinating science of gut microbiomes, learn why having "zero waste" might wreak havoc on Earth's ecosystems, and discover why some scientists think the total elimination of poop could cause an evolutionary crisis. Through engineered gut bacteria or artificially created super-digestible food, this episode examines how our bodies would need to change to achieve this drastically different biological reality. --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention The ebook can be ordered here: https://www.neonhemlock.com/ebooks/luminescent-machinations-queer-ta