Conversations About Divorce

Ending your marriage means not only renegotiating your relationship with your spouse but also with your children. Reorganizing your family creates the opportunity for improving your relationship with your children. Sometimes it happens organically and sometimes it's more of a conscious decision. Sometimes, being a better parent is forced onto you like when you have parenting time and you're the only adult in the house. You're in charge and there's no falling back on your other parent. There's less opportunity to hide or cover up your mistakes, and we do all make them. Are you going to step up or just carry on as you were?Sometimes, being in two households creates the freedom and the opportunity to craft your own parenting philosophy. While being closely aligned with your ex on parenting may make it easier, when that alignment conflicts with your personal beliefs, you can choose to follow your own style. That means you can be more authentic, you can hold true to your values and you can pass those on.Sometimes,

Blending a family is a huge, complex topic and this is only going to scratch the surface ... if you are dating again, thinking about getting married again then you're going to need to help your children adjust to your remarriage.We know that second marriages are not easy. The U.S. Census Bureau in 2006 found that 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce. It seems that third marriages are even harder, ending in divorce about 70 percent of the time.Experts cite a number of reasons for this one of which is that the children can be a destabilizing factor. For example, you'll almost certainly find differences in parenting styles, challenges with discipline, problems getting the children to get along with each other and obstacles to coordinating parenting schedules.There are however plenty of people who have successfully blended families so don't get discouraged. Instead, ask what you can do to help your child see your new spouse and their children as a positive addition to your family.Author Maria Ashworth kn

Your divorce is about you and your spouse ending your marriage but how you do this and how you parent with your STBX after your divorce will have a profound impact on your child no matter their age. One thing you can be sure of: your divorce WILL make your child anxious.One challenge is that your child may not express their true feelings to you and even if they do tell you it's no big deal because most of their friends' parents are divorced, or that they understand that life may be better, the change in circumstances is going to cause them some anxiety.So if your child isn't talking, how do you recognize that they are anxious?Is there a difference between the child who has had a history of anxiety and the child who has up until the divorce appeared to be care-free?Is it just a matter of giving them time to adapt and get used to the new family structure or do children do better with more proactive interventions?Joining me for this Conversations About Divorce is Bonnie Zucker, Psy. D, one of the nation's leadin

Extra-marital affairs are not unusual - some studies have found that some 60 percent of married partners report having engaged in affairs. Some spouses do reconcile and recover from infidelity and may even report a stronger, closer relationship. There are some affairs however, where the exiting spouse already sees the marriage as over and in these case reconciliation is rare.For the victim or faithful spouse, the discovery of the affair comes as a brutal attack on what they often describe as a happy marriage. These exit affairs cut to the core, damaging self-esteem and self-confidence and they leave the victim playing catch up both emotionally and legally.So what can you expect if you discover your spouse is having an exit affair?Joining Mandy for this Conversation is Laura Scott, whose marriage ended abruptly when she discovered her husband's affair. Following her journey through divorce, Laura wrote The Accidental Divorcee - a guide book for navigating the twists and turns of divorce (available on Amazon.co

Post-divorce travel adventures became familiar with Elizabeth Gilbert's epic, "Eat, Pray, Love" and while such a long, exotic trip may be out of reach for many, with some creativity and imagination you could make it happen.Joining Mandy for this episode is world traveler, photographer, writer and historian, Chandi Wyant. Wyant embarked on a pilgrimage following her divorce and spent forty days walking to Rome on Italy's historic route, the Via Francigena. Listen in to hear Mandy and Chandi talk about making the decision to travel and what to expect as well as some practical considerations such as the timing and length of the trip and what it's like to travel solo.The biggest takeaway from this conversation is that there are solutions to all the reasons you might give for not embarking on an adventure and that if you really want to do this, you absolutely can.Chandi Wyant's trip is captured in her newly published memoir, Return To Glow: A Pilgrimage of Transformation In Italy.Looking for more real-life no-nons

The words 'divorce' and 'etiquette' aren't often heard together. When we hear the word 'etiquette,' we think manners, politeness, courtesies - again not things typically associated with ending a marriage. And perhaps that's exactly why so many people struggle to achieve a good divorce. I'm not a fan of rule books but I do think being conscious about how you conduct yourself during divorce could help you better cope with the end of your marriage so you'll feel less conscious, less awkward and avoid saying or doing things that you'll regret later. If we did have more generally accepted guidelines on coping with divorce, then the breakups could be less disruptive not just for spouses but also for children, extended families, friends and coworkers. Who wouldn't want that?Suzanne Riss and Jill Sockwell, authors of The Optimist's Guide To Divorce: How To Get Through Your Breakup and Create A New Life You Love have given much thought to the question of divorce etiquette through their own first-hand experiences and t

It doesn't matter who decides to end the marriage, both parties are usually hurt (even if some are reluctant to admit it). Most people want to know how to protect themselves from getting hurt after divorce.The answer to that is boundaries. We use fences, doors, walls and locks to protect our property from others and we use similar devices to protect ourselves from harm from others. These boundaries however are not as simple or obvious as a gate or a padlock. They're much more complex. They take different forms. We create different boundaries with different people. We change our boundaries over time and sometimes, we don't set the boundaries we need.Recovering from divorce often means taking a closer look at your boundaries, understanding how you've set them in the past, and where you need to set them now in relation to your ex, your children and anyone you date.It's not easy to set different boundaries with people you've been in relationship with for a long time and it's especially difficult if you haven't ha

There is always less money after divorce and ending a marriage means facing that reality. There's really no way to avoid it.Some people find themselves having to handle the household accounts for the first time either in a long time or sometimes, ever. It means there is no more shopping and buying things without knowing how they're going to be paid for. The spouse who took care of everything is gone and now you have to learn about budgeting.For some people, it means reassessing lifestyle choices and adjusting to the new reality.For others, it can mean seeing their carefully executed financial plans change dramatically.All of these can be challenges but we have to change to move forward. If we don't, we're going to face bigger financial difficulties.So how do you do this? What are the secrets? Joining me for this episode of Conversations About Divorce is financial advisor, Jason Silverberg who's the author of The Financial Planning Puzzle: Fitting Your Pieces Together To Create Financial Freedom. Jason also ha

We all know someone who says their marriage ended suddenly with no warning. It’s hard to believe. We all like to think there must have been some red flags that were missed. After all, how could two people, married to each other, have such different views about the same marriage?But marriages do absolutely end without warning and when that happens it is a truly traumatic experience. Could it happen to you? What are the warning signs? Why does it happen? How do you recover?Joining Mandy to discuss these questions and more is psychotherapist Vikki Stark. Stark is the author of Runaway Husbands: The Abandoned Wife’s Guide to Recovery and Renewal and the newly published compilation Planet Heartbreak: Abandoned Wives Tell Their Stories. Find out more at RunawayHusbands.com.If you’re thinking of ending your marriage, there’s a much kinder, more compassionate way to do this than abandoning your spouse. First check out Mandy’s free course, Is Divorce The Answer? and then turn to her online coaching program, My Divorce

The word alone carries tremendous negativity, judgment and fear and divorce is commonly portrayed in the media as hostile and high-conflict. Amicable or civil divorces aren’t considered news unless there’s a novelty factor associated with them like Gynweth Paltrow’s “conscious uncoupling.”Often, our own beliefs and expectations around divorce pushes us to stay in unhealthy relationships and we procrastinate or delay ending our marriage.What if there was another way?What if there was a way you could break up without hostility?What if you could get divorced without spending a ton on legal fees and without it consuming all your emotional energy?Well, it’s possible and there are loads of resources readily available to help you do that. It starts by setting the intention to have a good divorce.Joining Mandy to discuss the good divorce is Wendy Paris, journalist, communications professional and author of Splitopia: Dispatches From Today’s Good Divorce and How To Part Well. Wendy is also the creator of the website S

How our children cope with divorce is front and foremost for many parents: none of us want our children to be harmed by the end of our marriage and their future well-being can be a major influence on the timing of divorce.Parenting after divorce isn’t by definition more difficult than parenting while married but it does often mean that differences between you and your child’s other parent are magnified. Resolving these differences is frequently easier said than done but not allowing them to become a source of conflict is key to your child’s well-being.Joining Mandy to discuss some proven ways to approach the most common parenting problems after divorce is  California-based psychologist, Dr. Erica Reischer. Reischer is the author of the book, What Great Parents Do: 75 Simple Strategies For Raising Kids Who Thrive. Find out more about Dr. Erica’s work at her website DrEricaR.com.Want to find out more about the impact of divorce on parenting? Download Mandy’s free audio program, What You Need To Know About Paren

Most people, even those who initiate divorce, come through it feeling pain and hurt. The source of that pain maybe their spouse, third parties and even themselves. Without working through that pain and hurt, the danger is that we become bitter and resentful and that becomes a barrier to enjoying life.The key to healing is forgiveness. It’s challenging and difficult work but Forgiveness Coach, Emily Hooks knows from  her personal experience that the benefits are worth it.Join Mandy and Emily Hooks to learn the common misunderstandings about forgiveness, the reasons why people don’t forgive and what forgiveness looks like.Emily Hooks is a forgiveness coach and the author of the soon-to-be published book, The Power of Forgiveness: A Guide To Healing And Wholeness. You can read more about Emily’s work at her website.Are you angry with your spouse? Feeling this is the final straw? Wondering if your marriage is over? Sign up for Mandy’s FREE course, Is Divorce The Answer and find out.

We all know that relationships need care and feeding to make them last and most people don’t get married thinking they will get divorced. So when the marriage is troubled, we agonize over what to do. Can the relationship change? When is enough, enough? Are we making a mistake?Every relationship may be different but there are some common reasons people give for ending their marriage. Mid-life relationship expert, Jed Diamond joins Mandy to discuss these common reasons, what’s really going on and whether people have the opportunity to turn disillusionment into real lasting love.Jed Diamond’s latest book, The Enlightment Marriage: The 5 Transformative Stages of Relationships and Why The Best Is Still to Come is available on Amazon. Diamond has developed 10 Indicators that a relationship is over and you can get those by emailing Jed at Jed@menalive.com.If you know your marriage is over and are looking for help with the next steps, check out Mandy’s online divorce coaching program, My Divorce Pal. You can also fin

Everyone files a tax return and that means there are some basic tax issues that face everyone getting divorced. These are often overlooked or not addressed until the divorce negotiations are nearing completion.By that time, your choices may already be limited. Even worse, you may be suffering with negotiation fatigue and make agreements without the benefit of prior research and full understanding.This Conversation will help you avoid that. Listen in to find out what your divorce could mean for your tax filing status, what you need to consider for tax payments and refunds that are due and some key points about the child tax exemption.Joining Mandy for this Conversation is Shawn Leamon, a certified divorce financial analyst and author of the book, Divorce And Your Money: The No Nonsense Guide which is available on Amazon.

Anyone with a pet understands that people become emotionally attached to their animals and that bond can as strong as the bond we make with human friends.Yet, the law, for the most part sees pets as property,  to be divided as the household furniture is to be divided.That sets the stage for lose-win settlements. Judges, even those who have pets and can empathize with divorcing parties, are bound by the law. Ordering arrangements that recognize and take into account the emotional attachments of both parties could get them into trouble. So one party typically gets the pet and other doesn’t. That’s a win-lose.Far better, for the parties, and probably the pets, to work out an arrangement without going to court. And you can be very creative!Mandy’s guest for this Conversation is Chicago-based attorney, mediator and educator Karen Covy. Karen has handled a number of pet custody situations and shares her tips on how to avoid the win-lose option.Karen offers a Divorce Tool Kit that includes a divorce document checkli

Along with deciding on how to divide your finances, you and your STBX will have to divide all your household items – that’s the furniture, the kitchen gadgets, the stuff in the garage, the pictures on the walls – everything that’s probably part of your day-to-day life.For some people, this is super easy. They’re ready to walk away from it all. There’s no emotional attachment. For others, it can be about who uses which items the most. Some people take more of a financial view and are keen to feel that the division is equitable.However it is done, for the vast majority of people, it is never worth litigating this. The legal fees could quickly outweigh the cost of the items.In this show, Mandy revisits this topic with her interview with Carrie Mitchell of TWS Home Inventory. Listen in to discover the insider’s tips to dividing your household items without losing your mind or your wallet.

Most people would love to save legal fees on their divorce. The first thing that comes to mind is doing without an attorney. While that may save you big time, it’s not always the smartest way to trim costs and it may actually end up costing you more in the long run.The good news is that there are a number of very simple, easy things you can do that can make a real difference to your legal bill while getting the benefit of legal advice.Joining Mandy to talk about these money saving strategies is Larry Sarezky, an experienced family law attorney and author, from Fairfield, Connecticut.Larry’s recently published a book, Divorce, Simply Stated: How To Achieve More, Worry Less and Save Money In Your Divorce, is a easy to understand layman’s guide to the divorce process.You need to know about these tips before you hire your attorney.You can find more practical tips on this in Mandy’s free eBook, Untangling From Your Spouse: How To Prepare For Divorce.

We’ve all heard someone say they tried divorce mediation and it didn’t work. The challenge here is whether they were truly part of the small percentage of divorces that do need to be resolved by a judge or if they didn’t take the proper steps to ensure mediation was successful.There’s a lot more to mediation than just showing up on a certain date at a certain time. It requires a commitment to being properly prepared and being invested in the process. And with the potential to save thousands of dollars in legal fees, mediation can be a very viable alternative to a traditional divorce.Joining Mandy to discuss ways to make your mediation successful is Joe Dillon from Equitable Mediation. Based in New Jersey and Illinois, Joe and his wife and partner, Cheryl Dillon help divorcing couples complete all the steps to divorce peacefully, fairly and cost-effectively.Saving money on your legal fees isn’t the only reason to mediate your divorce. Find out more by downloading Joe’s free ebook, 10 Reasons To Mediate Your Di

Deciding when is the best time to file for divorce is a bit like Goldilocks and Three Bears. File too soon and you’ll be faced with having to meet a bunch of court imposed deadlines and making life changing decisions at the time when you’re least emotionally capable.File too late and you could find yourself with no access to finances, assets that have disappeared and a spouse who has engineered the situation to their complete advantage.The key is to file when the time is just right and figuring out when that is the topic of this episode’s conversation between Mandy and Larry Sarezky,  an experienced family law attorney and author, from Fairfield, Connecticut.Larry’s recently published a book, Divorce, Simply Stated: How To Achieve More, Worry Less and Save Money In Your Divorce, is a easy to understand layman’s guide to the divorce process.

For most couples, the marital home is the bulk of their wealth. If one party wants to keep the home, it means buying out the other party. That typically means refinancing. If you’re leaving the home, then you’ll likely be looking to buy another - that means finding financing. Regardless, it’s complicated. What you don’t know could hurt you:Can you be released from your current mortgage?What is a contingent liability?What is the difference between a Cash Out Refinance and an Equity Buyout?What it takes for spousal support and child support to be considered qualified income?Why is a refund check a contentious issue?Join Mandy and her guest, Jody Bruns, a senior mortgage consultant with New American Funding as these issues and more.Bruns is the founder of the Certified Divorce Lending Professional certification program. Find a CDLP near you at the Divorce Lending and Real Estate Association.Download Jody's free ebook: Divorcing Your Mortgage: Top 10 Things You Should Know About Your Mortgage When Going Through A