Birth Allowed Radio

"I’ve got to turn around and go back and dig in to make it better for others." In this episode of Birth Allowed Radio, I speak with Dr. Tracey Vogel, an obstetric anesthesiologist from Pittsburgh who specializes in preventing birth trauma and re-traumatization during birth for people with abuse histories. As part of this care, Dr. Vogel mentors people through the process of filing complaints to hospitals about violating, traumatic, and inappropriate medical intervention. Dr. Vogel walks us through the bureaucratic structure of hospitals and how they receive and process grievances. We also discuss how people can effectively use their voice during birth in advocating for themselves, and the must-have details that you want to be captured if you are pulling together a formal written complaint. Finally, we examine the core issues at hand for many who want their traumatic experiences to be known - for the benefit of closure, and/or to prevent the mistreatment from happening to others - and managing expectations

* Recorded October 2019 * In this episode of Birth Allowed Radio I am honored to speak with Sabia Wade, a Black, queer, full-spectrum doula in San Diego. She is the owner of Birthing Advocacy Doula Trainings, and Executive Director of For The Village, a reproductive justice non-profit providing free doula services to low-income and marginalized groups in the San Diego Area. We dive into the topic of advocacy and doulas - including how advocacy is defined in different populations and communities, and the affects of racism in the birth world. We also talk about the complicated communication dynamics for doulas - including how to navigate tricky conversations, how to read the room, how to identify who you can and can’t talk to you, the value of doulas and the importance of making a sustainable living in birth work. IN HER WORDS: “There’s so many different ways that you can advocate for somebody, and even with the clients that I work with, I feel like advocacy and what they expect from advocacy looks differe

As I celebrated my birthday this month, I realized I had never really talked to my mother about my own birth story. Join me in reliving that experience with my mom, Michelle Pascucci, as she recalls what it was like to give birth - and feed a newborn - in 1979. While she had a great experience with childbirth education, there were times in the hospital she wished she was provided more guidance. “When they said ‘do you want an epidural?’ I’m familiar with it, but don’t know what’s going to happen. And so when I got numb, then I’m realizing ‘oh, that’s what the epidural does.’” As my mom and I delved into some family history, I also discovered some fascinating details about my maternal grandmother--who was a nurse for 50 years--including her relationship with the healthcare system during her time and some deep trauma that she suffered in her relationship with doctors. The story of that trauma, which I had never before heard even a whisper of, blew my mind. “My mom gave herself to her work in the health depa

We are really in the midst of some major disruption for birthing families, in an already fragile healthcare system. In this episode of Birth Allowed Radio, I called on two seasoned doulas and members of the Birth Monopoly "Know Your Rights" community to provide a grounded and strategic perspective for the families who need it most. Miri Halliday of Spokane, WA is a birth doula and childbirth educator, and Lisa Gould Rubin of Burlington, VT is a doula, childbirth educator, and has had a virtual doula practice for over 10 years. Together we tackle the tough conversations surrounding doula access to their clients in hospitals and increased pressure on birthing families during the COVID-19 pandemic. Miri and Lisa reveal what they’re telling their families on how to prepare, what to expect at the hospital, how to cope under societal trauma, and what doulas, partners, and birthing mothers can control. “Everybody’s operating out of this place of fear and scarcity in terms of support and all of this unknown, and i

Melissa Pizzo has had four babies by Cesarean, and four completely different experiences! With her last birth, a scheduled Cesarean, she knew what she wanted and she made sure she got it. That included hiring a doula to hold emotional space for her and her husband in the OR. How ever babies are born, it's a special and sacred time, and one where the emotional, psychological, and social needs of the person giving birth should be priorities. In Her Words: I really embrace that this is what was supposed to be and this is how it is and I have these experiences--like, going from my first cesarean to my fourth cesarean, and seeing the progress and what has changed, I think that that part is where I can be like, oh my gosh, I’ve really grown! And I’ve really been able to voice what I want and what I need. And then being able to feel heard is very important. So those things have happened for me compared to that first birth when I didn’t feel heard and I didn’t feel like I had a voice, and I didn’t feel empower

Advocacy, burnout, self care, sustainability, and the patriarchy--they're all in this episode! Our guest is Nickie Tilsner, the co-executive director and lead trainer of Cornerstone Doula Trainings, and co-author of RE:BIRTH - The childbirth preparation guide for all people to have an informed, dignified and joyful birth in any setting (due for release early Fall). Also announcing a first-ever collaboration between Birth Monopoly and a doula training organization to offer rights training to new doulas!!! The "Rights Informed Birth Advocate" certification will be offered through Cornerstone starting July 2019. > In her words In order to thrive in the work and have sustainability: feeding your purpose is what really holds resilience and what is actually being trauma informed for yourself and looking at things through a strengths based lens. And feeding your purpose is knowing that you’re effective in the work and being able to really embody the work. And in think that’s what’s going to keep people really

**TW: Alleged Sexual Assault and Birth Assault** This is Katherine DiPaulo's story. She alleges she was sexually assaulted by an obstetrician at a Philadelphia-area hospital in 2005. She has not been able to hold him accountable. Ms. DiPaulo would like to connect with other victims. If you have experienced sexual assault in your obstetric care in the Philadelphia area, please get in touch with us at birthallowedradio@gmail.com or complete this form: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1SURd8e1KBVdm4vcG47Xab-FwKnqUCXO8tbJeqaWB1_k. Your privacy will be respected to the fullest. > In her words: Had I angered him, it could have been a lot worse. I was doing what I had to do to protect my baby and myself. But I still have a lot of guilt and shame and anger at myself for not stopping it, not doing something. But my body was frozen and in shock. I repressed what happened although it never left me. I started to have chronic insomnia, ... panic attacks, anxiety and depression, difficulty in my marriage. I ha

What do you do when someone in your life has a stillbirth? In this episode of Birth Allowed Radio, Ada Johnson talks about losing her baby Button during birth and the aftermath of that event, and, along with her midwife Sarah, shares how providers and others can respond sensitively when someone experiences a stillbirth. I want to thank both Ada and Sarah for coming on the show and delving back into this deeply personal experience with us. Resources: Consulting and training services from our expert guest, Ada Johnson https://hawthorndoulacare.wordpress.com/provider-consults/ Resources for professionals from Empty Arms Bereavement Support http://www.emptyarmsbereavement.org/resources-for-professionals Compassionate Bereavement Care®Certification through the MISS Foundation https://missfoundation.org/compassionate-bereavement-care/compassionate-bereavement-care-certificationCDC statistics on stillbirthhttps://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/stillbirth/facts.htm Thank you to Evidence Based Birth for making this episode

Janelle Hanchett is the author of “I’m Just Happy to Be Here: A Memoir of Recklessness, Rehab, and Renegade Mothering,” out in paperback May 7, 2019. In this episode, we talk about the politics of motherhood and why the idea that controlling our bodies in birth is controversial. Janelle also talks about 'how I discovered I am white' (her excellent post of that title is at her Renegade Mothering blog here: https://www.renegademothering.com/2014/12/09/discovered-white/) and her new book. > In her words this episode: "There’s this larger question: 'Is motherhood enough to turn us into perfect versions of ourselves?' I was really looking into the redemptive narrative surrounding motherhood. Like, this idea that we are saved by motherhood, that we are washed clean by it, that we are redeemed by it, and that the dark part of our self can be erased through love of our children. Spoiler alert, I think that’s bullshit. I think it’s more just subtle erasure of women, right? Because if you erase *any* part of me

Marissa Hoechstetter is one of more than 17 women currently suing Columbia University and its associated hospitals for a 20-year "massive coverup" of Ob/Gyn Dr. Robert Hadden's sexual abuse of patients. In this episode, she talks about her long path to justice for the sexual assaults she suffered at Dr. Hadden's hands, getting his name off her daughters' birth certificates, and her ongoing advocacy for transparency in physician conduct and licensing and on behalf of survivors of these kinds of crimes. > In her words: We say support women, believe women, but then you come forward and it doesn't matter.... In my case and in others, there's evidence [the institutions] were alerted to this behavior and they just look away. They don't want to admit it. It's a business choice. With cases like [Larry] Nassar and [George] Tyndall at USC, there's been some high-profile cases of serial sex crimes by medical professionals. The way the media treats it still, it's like it's this one odd weirdo out there. But from the p

In a town with one hospital and two doctors, Amy Woods describes her labor and subsequent surgery without pain medication. She also talks about the effects on her and her family afterwards and the hospital's response to the incident. "The doctor said I had to have a c-section because I wasn't progressing. They were kind of, a little messy with the reasons for the c-section. As they were taking my husband to get him all dressed for the c-section, I just remember having the most distinct feeling that I needed to tell him how much I loved him. And that--I was going to die. I thought the safer option for [my baby] was the c-section. Then the OB came in and she did her poke test on my stomach and I told her that I could still feel all of it, that I had feelings in my legs. I could feel everything. And she just started cutting. And she just started going on with the surgery. I feel like at the beginning, I went into a little bit of shock. And then immediately after, I just started screaming."

Alabama doula Kirsten Clark talks about an intense experience watching obstetric violence happen right in front of her, and how her practice has evolved as a result. * TRIGGER WARNING FOR SEXUAL ASSAULT AND OBSTETRIC VIOLENCE * The doctor walked in, put on gloves, and stuck both hands into the laboring mom’s vagina. There was no consent. He didn’t tell her was going to do that or ask if she was okay with it. Moments later, he announced, “Oh, she is tearing already.” I had to look away because I could not physically handle what I was seeing. My body began shaking. I felt lightheaded; I felt frozen in place. [I felt] complete helplessness and fear and anger and grief. I walked away from that feeling responsible in a way for what had happened, and knowing that this mom had just experienced something that shouldn’t have happened, that something was really wrong. And that there was this visceral response in my body to what I was seeing. I just kind of remember being back in that place and feeling like

In this emotional episode, Jennifer Smith describes having a Cesarean without consent after medical staff ignored her decision to have a vaginal birth rather than repeat surgery, and her trauma afterwards. "I'm numb from the waist down and I have no idea what they're doing to my lower body. I'm just this object lying on a table for them to cut up. And they don't care. And I can't scream out. Because I don't think anybody's going to listen to me. And I'm scared... I'm trying to stay awake. And I remember it was awful because the whole time in my head--and I can't scream out and I was so frustrated because I can't scream out--I'm sitting there going, 'I don't want to do this I don't want to do this I don't want to do this, it's gonna be okay it's gonna be okay it's gonna be okay...' And I remember as this doctor's cutting me up, Dr. R, he's having a personal conversation with Dr. P about the Olympic male gymnast who broke his tibia. And I'm sitting there thinking, I'm not even here. Like I'm not eve

WARNING: This story includes graphic detail and may be difficult to listen to. Part 2 of 2: In this stomach-churning episode, nurse "Britany" describes witnessing what she describes as a violation and assault on a laboring woman: a so-called "manual episiotomy" by the doctor--a move she discovered was routine for him. Find out what happened when she tried to report the incident up the chain of command. This is Part 2 of Britany's story. (See Episode 24 for Part 1.)

WARNING: This story includes graphic detail and may be difficult to listen to. Part 1 of 2: In this stomach-churning episode, nurse "Britany" describes witnessing what she describes as a violation and assault on a laboring woman: a so-called "manual episiotomy" by the doctor--a move she discovered was routine for him. Find out what happened when she tried to report the incident up the chain of command. This is Part 1 of Britany's story. (See Episode 25 for Part 2.)

Sara Conrad worked in the marketing department at the hospital where she gave birth in Northern California. The last thing she expected was to have a life-changing trauma there. “I love doing C-sections, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to get one.” Sara immediately felt unsupported when a doctor she’d never met responded to her birth plan by telling her she loved performing Cesareans, and the nurse seemed terrified that Sara was laboring on her hands and knees. Things got worse from there. “Don’t you care about your baby?” Unable to speak while on heavy medication and ignored by her care team, Sara was rolled back for a Cesarean without her consent and without knowing why she was having surgery. Afterwards, she felt disconnected from her baby and, on top of that, guilty about not feeling more joy about her birth. “This is my friend, and she doesn't believe me.” Her trauma carried through to postpartum, and she eventually left her job--angry and feeling betrayed about how she’d been treated and the

Kimberly Turbin made headlines and history when she sued her doctor for assault when he gave her a medically unnecessary and botched episiotomy during the birth of her child. The case was resolved in 2017, but Kimberly is still dealing with the effects of the assault. In this episode, Kimberly recounts not only her experience, but the aftermath of the trauma she experienced in 2013. “I posted the video just to see if I was crazy or not.” The video of the birth, posted to YouTube, ended up connecting Kimberly to a community of people who have supported her, and who she has supported, with the continuing process of her trauma. Her medical diagnoses, which included vulvar spasms, dyspareunia, vulvodynia and Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, still cause considerable pain. Unfortunately, the drugs that help the condition are both expensive and make it hard to parent or work. “My injury is forever and a lifetime.” In the medical community and beyond, there’s a tendency to disbelieve women’s pain. When Kimberly tr

Trying to find support for a vaginal birth after a c-section (VBAC) can be a struggle; when you are black, overweight, on Medicaid, and in Alabama, it can be almost impossible. Our guest Sabrina Azemar recounts her difficulties convincing her maternal care providers to "let" her do what pregnant bodies have been doing for centuries. Sabrina is the mom of 3 children, and a breastfeeding and cloth diaper advocate who loves to teach women of color in her community sustainable and alternative ways to care for their families. “Your baby will drown in a uterus of your blood” Sabrina's doctor told her she was putting her baby at serious risk by considering a vaginal birth. She was told that women of color have low success rates with VBACs and she could potentially kill her child, just by doing what the body is designed to do. From Sabrina: “Giving birth is not a disease.” Giving birth is something your body already knows how to do, so it’s strange when they treat you like you have a diagnosis. “Birds born i

Normal, healthy births happen every day, and for women of every size. And yet birth care professionals often alienate plus-size moms-to-be with shaming, inadequate equipment, and mistreatment. In this episode of Birth Allowed Radio, we talk about plus size birth and how to find a practitioner who will treat you like a person, not a risk factor. My special guest is Jen McLellan, of www.plussizebirth.com. “My midwife was the first health care provider to ever touch my body with compassion.” Plus size pregnant women are often treated differently during the pregnancy and birthing process, even though 60% of the population in child-bearing years are considered overweight or obese. But our bodies are designed for this, and we can have healthy outcomes. And if we do develop complications, it isn’t because we are bad people. We should be fully supported along our journey to motherhood, and not to be made to feel ashamed. Let’s talk about people as human beings, not just statistics and worst case scenarios. Ins

During pregnancy and birth, trauma can happen. Dr. Tracey Vogel, an OB anesthesiologist from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania talks to us about the stories of such traumas – especially those related to anesthesia and surgery – that she will be featuring in her upcoming book, and how the medical community can help prevent further birth trauma. > “There is a big gap between how providers think they are doing, and how patients think those providers are doing.” There are many problems with how maternal care providers deal with their clients. First, they aren’t asking the right questions. The focus is almost exclusively on the physical; there is little to no addressing of the emotional or mental wellbeing of the patient. If they do ask the right questions, however, they aren’t considering that not all mothers want to tell you about their feelings, especially if they see you as responsible for their terrible experience. Care providers carry on thinking they are doing a good job. Meanwhile, women are traumatized. > “Wome