Savage Lovecast

A woman has made a new exciting friend! But this friend ditches her other friends and treats them as disposable. Is the caller next? Here's the kind of pragmatic question and answer you've come to expect from the Savage Lovecast: Is it safe to douche with non-potable water? On the Magnum, folks have been asking for a menopause expert for a while now, and we've got her. Dr. Stacy De-Lin has been a proud member of the Planned Parenthood team since 2013. She gives us the basics on peri-menopause, menopause, and how to mitigate the negatives. Women have been chronically under-treated, and there are medications that can help. And, a man living in New Zealand is dating a guy in an open, long-distance relationship. The boyfriend lives in a repressive country where he can't safely be out. The caller enjoys their low stakes, open relationship, but wonders if he should invite him to live together in New Zealand to help him to get a visa and escape. Q@Savage.Love 206-302-2064 This episode is brough

A man chanced upon his wife's journals when he was cleaning the closets. He simply couldn't help himself. He read some of them, and learned about her erotic desires in a way he hadn't known before. It made him fall in love with her all over again. But now what? Should he tell her what he did? Blindfold magic! A woman had a transcendent experience when her boyfriend blindfolded her and then...removed the blindfold. There he was! And he was suddenly more beautiful than ever. On the Magnum, Dan welcomes writer, and actor Jeffery Self. What do two introverted, homosexual men have to talk about? Plenty, it turns out! Self's new memoir is deeply personal and fearless. He and Dan chat about the pros and cons of male sex work, why straight men are so jealous of gay men, and the deep dread the words "gay cruise" inspire in them both. Also, they take a call from a woman whose boyfriend is unaware of how stinky his balls are. So you don't want to miss that. And, a woman's boyfriend is wracked with guilt when she g

Squarespace This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase. Helix Sleep This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Right now, Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders. Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage. With Helix, better sleep starts now.  Feeld This episode is brought to you by Feeld, a dating app where the open-minded can meet the like-minded. Download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play. Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, author, and creator of the It Gets Better Project. From throuples, to adult babies, women's rights to tantric sex and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage has been cultural force for sex positivity since the Kennedy administration.

A woman is seeing a guy who only grudgingly goes down south. Sex for them always begins with her giving him a BJ, but because they have a Dom/sub dynamic, he feels he doesn't owe her anything. Here's a fun word scramble game that astute Savage Lovecast listeners can play! Unscramble these letters to form the acronym that will give the caller clear direction on what to do: TMAFD A man is curious, confused, and bewildered about what lesbians mean when they say they have sex.  On the Magnum, Dan's been talking about bisexual men quite a bit on the show. Are they the luckiest bastards ever, or do they have a rough row to hoe? For this very special "What Are You Doing?" segment, Dan brings on Sam Lent who self-identifies as "A shameless woman who seeks bi men to fuck." How does she search for them? How do bi and straight men differ? And why are the men of Denver so very into pegging? Sam thinks bi men are a national treasure, and we think Sam is pretty awesome.  A woman's pal has an OnlyFans account. Sometimes thi

Age gap relationships! Sometimes they are a-ok. Sometimes they are not. A woman is having an argument with her boyfriend about whether his previous relationship was dicey because of the 9-year age difference. She dated a younger person too, but the circumstances were different. Dan Savage (who knows from age gap relationships) weighs in. A man in a throuple with two ladies can't sleep because their bed gets too toasty at night. Somebody call 911!  On the Magnum, we welcome back sex & culture writer Magdalene Taylor to talk about gooning, and the gooners who goon all day long. (Gooning is obsessive porn use.) She and Dan talk about conspiracy theories around keeping young men on their phones and disgruntled. And, she and Dan discuss a call from a woman who wants to make sure her NEXT boyfriend wants to have as much sex as she does.  A gay man was in a casual relationship for 9 months. His hook-up wouldn't ever host because he said he had a "roommate." Guess what! That roommate was actually his husband. Now tha

A woman's 74 year-old father has started dating a 19 year-old woman, and no one in her family besides her is batting an eye. She is horrified and refuses to meet the lass or speak to her father until the relationship ends. Is she being too harsh?  A British poly man has an American girlfriend who comes to visit now and again. She asked him to take her to a sex party, but there's a hitch. She screams to kingdom come during sex. The caller is worried that his more reserved British sex party compatriots will find her conduct unseemly.  On the Magnum, Dan simply couldn't resist bringing on Sunshyne for a "What Are You Doing?" Sunshyne is a shaggy haired, muppet-faced adonis! He models for multi-national corporations AND has a fin-dom hustle on the side. He and Dan talk about his work, how he got there, and whether women or men give better head.  A gay man and his boyfriend do not agree about sex. His boyfriend wants monogamy and routine, unadventurous sex. The caller yearns for more sex, and more variety. His boy

Pages and pages of escort ads. That's what she found on her boyfriend's phone when she was looking for concert tickets. He insisted he wasn't actually contacting anybody, but was using them for his spank bank. Should she believe him? Is this a problem?  A man recently come out as bi, and has a boyfriend in an open relationship. He sees all the gay orgies that are available to him, but wants to get in on some straight sex party action. Where can he find them? How do they work? Hello?  On the Magnum, we welcome back fellow advice-slinger Meredith Goldstein of the "Love Letters" advice column and podcast. They talk about how to keep your cool when in the throws of new relationship energy, a mistreated unicorn, and whether choosing a girlfriend based on her anatomy makes you a superficial jerk or not.  A woman has found a fascinating new partner. He had a spontaneous full-body orgasm at the cafe on their first date. Then, when she bedded him down, she saw that his genitals feature a deeply concave area that gi

A married gay man is newly poly with his husband and boyfriend. Simple question: Who should he celebrate Valentine's Day with?  A non-binary AFAB person frequents a sex club where women pay much less than men or couples. And there's a dress code...men must be naked, and women must wear lingerie. The caller wears the damn lingerie to snag the discount and to get access to men. But they don't want to be addressed as female in dirty talk or recognized as female in any way. Discuss. On the Magnum, Dan brings back his old college sweetheart, Mike Pesca of The Gist, Not Even Mad, and his new comedy show Funny You Should Mention. Pesca has been covering politics (and sports) for a long time and these two have chemistry! They talked about having sex with Trumpers vs. maintaining familial relations with Maga folk, hot footballmen, and eliminating the penny. And butt sex.  A woman ended things with a guy she had been seeing for a couple of months, because he felt swoony and she felt "meh." But as time passed, she think

A straight man was accidentally paired with a trans man on a hookup app. When the trans man found out his match was a straight dude, he tapped out. But that got the caller thinking...should he hunt for pre-op trans men in the hopes of connecting with people still had their female parts? Any problems here?  On the Micro and Magnum it's a sneak peek of this week's Sex & Politics with political analyst Tim Miller. He and Dan took a call from a straight man who has recently discovered the kind of pleasure his own arse can give him, and his enthusiasm cannot be contained.  On the Magnum, Dan chats with writer Manuel Betancourt, about hooking up with strangers. His book "Hello Stranger: Musings on Modern Intimacies" goes into gay romance, and the allure of chance encounters. He and Dan talk about how "threelationships" can sneak up on you, how the gays (once again) pave the way for honest communication in open relationships, and the WAR between monogamous and polyamorous folk.  And, a woman is seeing a trans man o

A straight man worries that his one-on-one OnlyFans interactions are a form of infidelity.  A divorced man is out dating and learning about tantra. A couple of women he's seen were both mothers, and although he found them attractive and his dick got hard, he couldn't come with either of them. They both blamed themselves for having changed postpartum bodies. Who is the culprit- the ladies or his dick?  On the Magnum, Dan chats with cultural historian Kelly Coyne about off-kilter domestic arrangements- married couples who live apart, stay at home dads, and married couples who sleep apart. (Spoiler: it's the snoring!) As usual, straight folks have a lot to learn from gay arrangements.  And, a woman used to pin her orgasms on cuckold fantasies. But ever since she got into poly relationships, and the thought of her partner sleeping with other women was no longer taboo, her fantasies fail to get her there. How can she rewire her erotic inner life and start to come again? This episode is brought to you by Hims, pr

A gay man is mourning the loss of his hair. He shaved it all off, but doesn't like the new look. Are there any other options? How can he learn to love the new bald version of himself?  "Big poly mess in aisle 4!" She started seeing a married man who was new to poly. He has a kid, and mere months in, the caller formed a bond with the child. Then he went and fell in love with yet another woman. His wife is divorcing him, but the caller remains friendly with his wife. Can she continue to see the kid?  Dan chats with sex educator Claire Perelman about how to maintain your libido for the next 4 years. On the Magnum, it's a new "What Are you Doing?" with Doc Chocolate. He is a former pastor turned porn star and the host of the BULLS & QUEENS show. Doc Chocolate can make all your cuckold fantasies come true. He is also very clever and funny.  The caller is aunt to a 23 year-old trans woman. But the niece's dad (the caller's brother) refuses to accept that she is trans, and uses the wrong pronouns and her old name. H

A very happy Feast of The Ass to you all! We asked you to send us your carols and boy, did you ever deliver. Hear a smattering of our picks, and we unearthed an olde choral piece that you and your family will surely treasure.  A man has been dating a woman for two months. It's going well, but her body type is too thin to turn him on. He tries to feed her extra food, but should he flat out ask her to gain a little weight?  On the Magnum, everyone is talking about Babygirl- the new erotic thriller starring Nicolle Kidman. Dan brings on author and podcaster Rebecca Woolf, who has written about women who have been societally shamed or stigmatized for their sexuality, infidelity, and/or refusal to subscribe to social norms. They dish over the movie and argue about the ending. Spoiler city.  And, a woman's boyfriend makes orgasm noises that repulse the caller. Is there anything to be done?  Q@Savage.Love   206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Blueland. Going eco has never been easier. Revolutionary, ref

Everyone is feverishly preparing for The Feast of The Ass on January 14! Consequently, many of you have questions, such as "What is the proper Feast of the Ass greeting?" And "Shouldn't the official Feast of the Ass dessert be the Tunnel of Fudge?" As always, Dan has the answers.  A woman's brother just got engaged...again. This is the third time, and he has been dating his current girlfriend for a scant 6 months. What's more, the fiancé has been pestering the caller to be best friends, texting her all day long. The caller has been through this before. Is she a jerk for feeling a little skeptical about her's brother's relationship?   On the Magnum, it's the return of the Funny Dom! Our favorite Australian sadist is back to help a woman and her boyfriend concoct the perfect mix of BDSM, femme-domming and to get some dang dishes done besides.  And, a cautionary tale: when you're flying on Molly, and you coquettishly ask "What could I do to be sexier for you?" Beware! He just might answer honestly.  Q@Savage.Lo

Happy New Year! Here's the interview we did with Esther Perel back in September. We hope you like it.

 Here's a little friendship drama to start the New Year: A woman and her pal "Jill" are going on a skiing trip in Japan with a group of people. Two of the men approached Jill to tell her they each had crushes on the caller, and asked her to broker a connection. Jill wants nothing to do with this, and the caller is bewildered. Why is Jill so angry? And how should she proceed?  A man has a 22 year-old nephew who he suspects is gay. The lad is immersed in conservative Christian culture, and if he is gay, has let no one know. Should the caller broach the subject and try to inspire him to find a version of Christianity that will accept him? Or keep his avuncular mouth shut?  On the Magnum, Dan welcomes back Tawny Lara, aka The Sober Sexpert, and the author of Dry Humping: A Guide to Dating, Relating, and Hooking Up Without the Booze. She is on to talk about partying like a sorority sister without all the champagne or cocaine. And she encourages an embrace of Damp January- you know, drink a little less maybe?  And,

Happy holidays micro listeners!  We are releasing this interview with Ezra Klein from February of this year as a thank-you for listening.  From Dan, Nancy and the Tech-Savvy At-Risk Youth™ - we wish you a sweet holiday season.

Dan Savage is bringing back a forgotten Catholic holiday. On January 14, let us all celebrate the Feast of the Ass.  A woman's beloved twin sister isn't dating, isn't getting on the apps, isn't looking for a relationship. Should the caller keep trying to set her up with great guys from work? Or leave her be?  A woman used to be a sex worker when she was younger. She has since built a new career, and loves her life. She got into BDSM, and when she told her new dom about her past, he lost his mind. He feels her sex worker history takes away his power. He demanded that she fill out a questionnaire spelling out her entire sexual history. The list goes on and on and on. Why does her past matter to him? What should she do about it?  On the Magnum, take a sexy, sexy journey back to medieval times, to hear about the origins of Christmas, St. Valentine's Day and the Feast of the Ass. Basically, the medieval church knew how to party. Those of you who are horny to hear about the counter reformation are going to GET OFF

A gay man was dating a closeted cop for 4 years. Then he found out that the cop WASN'T closeted, and WASN'T single (he has a live-in boyfriend,) but IS a big fat liar. Now the caller wants closure.  A straight man just got dumped by his girlfriend after 1 1/2 years. His crime? He followed some thirst trap accounts on Instagram. She felt "betrayed and repulsed." Now sad and bewildered, he'll get a rousing pep talk from Dan Savage. On the Magnum, a poly woman has been told by her girlfriend that she isn't allowed to kiss her children for fear of giving them herpes. Dan brings on STI expert Dr Ina Park to dish out some herpes facts and to try to lower the fear level. They also talk about the success of the HPV vaccine and what it might mean to have someone who is hostile to vaccines in charge of Health & Human Services. Ok folks. Put your neologism thinking caps on. We need a new term to replace "Eskimo brothers." So what's it gonna be?  Q@Savage.Love       206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Squa

A trans guy just can't break into gay male spaces. He feels ridiculed and rejected, and ends up sitting in a corner alone while the sweaty dance party goes on around him. He used to be confident before his transition. How can he get a little of that male swagger and bed a hot twink?  A female used to date "bad boys"- the kind of guy who turned her on sexually but made terrible partners. Now she's with a sweet man who treats her well, but the heat isn't there. Can she train him to turn her on?Can she train herself to be turned on by him?  On the Magnum, what happens when you invite chatty, blabby podcasters to your sex party? Will they kiss and tell...everyone? Dan brings on comedian Ashley Ray to talk about this, and her obsession with the ancient JonBenét Ramsey murder. The plucky comedian has studied the case intensively and her long Substack piece about the crime and its coverage roped in a curious Dan Savage. C'mon amateur sleuths! Let's crack this case already!  And, a woman with a few lovers met a new g

"That's so gay!" So said a 10 year-old boy and got himself punished by the teacher who overheard him. The boy's father is calling for advice on how to explain why saying "That's so gay" as a pejorative is hurtful.  A man with a big ole wiener sees his long distance girlfriend once per month. When they see each other they go at it, with a frequency and intensity that will make many of you blush. The problem? It's causing her a lot of pain. Is there a way to make love, not lacerations?  Speaking of pain, Dan brings on Leigh Cowart, science journalist and author of "Hurts So Good: The Science and Culture of Pain on Purpose" They talk about masochism, how the experience of pain can be transmogrified into pleasure, how every masochist has a sadist's imagination, and finally- how to safely kick a man in the nuts. Cowart is such a superb thinker, and a delight to listen to. A little is on the Micro and the whole thing is on the Magnum. And, in one of our all time weirdest calls, a married man with kids thinks he's h