Big Picture Relationships

"I *could* crack open that box and see reality a little better, and be a little less brainwashed - but why would I want to? This is the person I am choosing to love, and the more positive bias I have, the better."www.alainajo.com

"We all do it - we subconsciously live small because of scarcity mentality, or that nagging Puritan view that something can't be too good. We live small because we're insecure or self conscious, or because we're waiting for a better time to fully show up in our lives. STOP IT. Live Large by soaking in the greatness of your life and letting it fill you so much that you overflow and give back to the world and the people around you." alainajo.comSupport the show

"I no longer pour myself into my children in the hopes that they will one day be grateful; I pour myself into my children so that they can carry on the torch of nurturing and life sacrifice that raises all of humanity." www.alainajo.com

"Imperfect circumstances and imperfect people are a reality and the goal is not to rid ourselves of all imperfection. If we do that, we miss out.If you walk into your LIFE the way I walked into Hamilton and Dear Evan Hansen, you will likely feel the way I did - unhappy and dissatisfied - simply because it looked different; it wasn't neat and clean and pretty. Neither is life."www.alainajo.com

"If we get hung up on the small picture of something (that's not in our control anyway) we miss out on relationships, we miss out on connecting over our loved one's new interests & passion & light, we miss out on being a part of the positive things unfolding for them. "As you face the painful situation of loved ones wandering from your tribe, I urge you with my whole heart to find real-life happiness not only here in your relationship but also in the big picture by remembering and living by these 4 things: Not all who wander are lostLook for the biggest, highest goalLet go of what you can't controlRelationships are all you have. www.alainajo.com

"In that null space we call 'boredom' we have the rare option to decide on something to do - and that could actually be considered a gift." Boredom gives us space to do/try something meaningful.Boredom teaches us creativity.Boredom increases our patience.www.alainajo.com

"Let me validate you: You deserve to be listened to. You shouldn't even have to think this hard about how to get people to listen to you. However, I also deal in *reality*, and the reality of the fact is you need to work hard to get people to actually listen to you in many instances. "When you talk less and you don't lecture, you are better listened to and your relationship improves. Not only do you earn their ear... you maybe even earn their heart a little bit."www.alainajo.comalainajo.comSupport the show

"Just because you've talked about something one time - even if it was a 'big serious talk' does not mean that they 'get it.' In fact, infrequent talks or 1-2 big talks or even the 'annual sit-down drug talk' gives way too much spicy attention to substances. Yeah that's right, I said spicy." www.alainajo.com

"Drugs are awesome. There's a reason people love them. If we keep that a secret from kids, we lose credibility when they figure it out. Let's help them have a healthy respect for the danger of this enemy."Join teen therapist Alaina Jo as she explains what she teaches her own children about drugs. After 15 years of experience with substance-using teens, her approach is unique. www.alainajo.com

"Which came first, the chicken or the egg? If you get caught up arguing about which is literally true, you're missing out on something far more important - the chance to enjoy scrambled eggs and fried chicken with a person you could connect with and learn from." alainajo.com

“There are 2 ways to view other people - and that comes across as something deeper than our behaviors toward them. (And they can pick up on that.)”“It doesn’t matter how polished your manners are around somebody you don’t like, it doesn’t matter how deep your self control in a situation where you’re struggling to see somebody as equal to yourself. It doesn’t matter if you go to therapy for years and you learn skills and the correct way to speak and act - It doesn’t matter your skill level, this will not cover up if you see someone as an object, if you see someone as “less than” yourself." alainajo.com

“You who are parents know – your kids are fine and occupied until you need to go to the bathroom, or until you’re hiding in the pantry eating that hidden box of girl scout cookies, you can’t escape them – they will find you."“I’m gonna let you in on a little secret: My favorite way to love my children is when I am away from them, thinking about them.”www.alainajo.com

“The big picture perspective is a flexible thing – it gives you the power to have it both ways. To zoom way out and see a trial or a pattern for what it is, to name it, to say “I’m going to choose not to let this define me, or define my life satisfaction right now; I can’t control it anyway.”“The big picture perspective gives you the flexibility to dive deep into savoring what you have, and the option to accept what you can’t control and do the opposite – try to zoom past it without wallowing in it.”www.alainajo.com

Explaining through stories & a handful of takeaway points the many ways a Big Picture Perspective improves our relationships and our quality of life.alainajo.com

Did you know that “Happy” can mean SO MUCH MORE than that top-of-the-world feeling? By expanding the view of what Happy is and where to find it, we open up to a more realistic-yet-enjoyable sort of existence. The sort that brings joy to real life, right now. www.alainajo.com

Welcome to Big Picture Relationships, where we talk about finding a real-life kind of Happy. There’s something about keeping the Big Picture in mind that lessens anxiety, increases peace, and makes hard things easier. This introductory episode gives an overview of what Big Picture Relationships is all about and what to expect in future episodes.Big picture perspectives bring you peace, help you know where you can improve if you want, and they might leave you downright cheery about the fact there are somethings you can’t change. There’s a peaceful kind of freedom that comes from accepting and learning to roll with things that are out of our control, instead of wasting our energy wishing they were different. www.alainajo.com