Meditate Awake

Find a body of water. Any body of water. If there’s a river, a lake or the ocean nearby, perfect. If not? Find a pond. A stream. A puddle. Or fill up a glass and place it on your desk. Take a few deep breaths. And then softly focus your gaze on the surface of the water. Hold your gaze there and notice every detail. The texture of the water; the movement of it, whether you’re witnessing huge waves or the faintest of ripples. Notice. Focus. This is all you need to do. Water is a cooling, calming element. There is something about it that our minds cannot resist — a realness, a kind of honesty. It has the power to alter our perspective in a matter of moments.

Have you ever met someone who you wished could be your mentor? One of those people who stands out as an expert in your field or an inspiration for the lifestyle you want. Imagine if you could benefit from their wisdom — learn from the mistakes they’ve made along the way, and move towards your career goals with their support. Ask them. They might say no, sure — but they might not. Think of it this way; if someone asked you to be their mentor, how would you feel? Probably at least a little bit honored. And faced with someone who thinks a lot of you, there’s a good chance you’d want to prove them right by offering any insight you could. Your dream mentor will likely feel the same way. So take the leap, reach out, and ask.

Woodwork is known as a method of stress relief. Speak to any carpenter or weekend woodcarver and they’ll tell you that it’s just as much about the process as the product. Losing yourself in a project, focusing on natural materials and creating shapes and joins is a way to connect with nature and with yourself. There’s something primal about it — holding, turning, changing wood. Making something out of nothing. The scent of cut wood and sawdust. The weight of tools in hand. Plus it’s been proven that learning a new skill helps to balance a stressful life; it gets you out of your head and lets you be a beginner again. So this is our recommendation, today: book yourself onto a woodworking course or pick up some materials and experiment on your own. It’ll make you feel much better than sitting down to stream a new season of something, again.

It’s a new day. Does it feel like it? The start of the year is always rich with potential and intention. We make resolutions, decisions, and commit to letting go of old habits. We’re going to get fit this year. We’re going to learn more; read more; drink less; love the people in our lives better. And then a couple of weeks pass. And we crash. The high of getting through the last year and partying our way into the new one has gone. Faced with tight wallets post-holidays and the realization that 2019 isn’t all that different from 2018, we hit the January blues. But 2019 can be different. Open your eyes to your own power. Understand that you have a choice in every moment; the choice to sleepwalk from one minute to the next or to step into consciousness and act from present moment awareness. Start now.

The words “I understand” are used frequently in intimate relationships. But it’s worth considering whether you really do understand before you tell your partner that you do. Instead of saying “I understand”, try this: repeat back what the other person has told you, in your own words, and then ask them if you’ve got it right. Accept that you have not understood them unless they feel that you have. And it works both ways. If you don’t feel that you’ve been understood, you can gently say “I don’t think you understand me — can you tell me what you think I’m saying?” Cultivating open communication and the freedom for each person to speak until they know they’ve been heard will maintain curiosity, humility and love within your relationship.

Let’s talk about yoga. We get it — you look at the people walking into a yoga class in the gym or at that studio down the road, and they’re all women. You see images of yoga poses all over the Internet — and they’re all women. If you feel intimated by the yoga class setting because you think you’ll be the only guy, you’re not alone. But yoga is a powerful physical and mental practice. It holds an opportunity to train, strengthen and open the body; to prevent injury and promote longevity. And it could be your key to learning how to regulate emotions and gain a deeper understanding of yourself. Thing is, when you go to a yoga class no one but the teacher cares that you’re there. That’s a good thing: everyone is focused on their own practice, and you can focus on yours.

Have you ever used essential oils? These highly concentrated plant oils aren’t overwhelmingly popular among the majority of men — but they’re worth your attention. If you’re suffering from sleep deprivation, certain essential oils can be incorporated into your evening to promote deep and peaceful rest that will leave you feeling rejuvenated and energized. Studies show that essential oils are effective for promoting good quality sleep. Smells bypass the brain processes that other senses require and travel directly to the brain’s limbic system, making them powerful tools for accessing emotions and peaceful mental states in an intentional way. You can use oils like lavender and Ylang Ylang in burners or under your pillow to slow down your mind and body. Drift into deep sleep with ease. Source [included for reference only; need not be included in social media posts]: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24720812

Did you ever climb trees when you were a kid? Remember that feeling of strength and adrenaline rushing as you climbed higher and higher. Hands reaching, legs pushing, the texture of rough bark against your skin and then rich scent of green and wood and nature. And then you’d find that perfect spot — the place to stop. The branch with the curve that seemed to ask you to sit still and lean back and take in the height and the view and the moment. Remember? And as you sat there your mind would settle. The closeness of the natural world would calm your mind. The steady solid presence of that ancient tree would support you and for a few moments, nothing else mattered in the world. That was meditation. As a kid, you were doing what we’re trying so hard to do now that we’re grown up. So do that again; climb a tree. Why not?

Did you know that reading a book can physically relax your body? It’s been proven to lower your heart rate and ease muscle tension, and a study at the University of Sussex in 2009 found that reading can reduce stress by as much as 68%. And we need that kind of stress relief. We’re living lives of endless demands and zero downtime which will have long-term implications for our health. Make reading a part of your daily routine. Maybe you have 30 minutes in the morning or 30 minutes before you go to bed when you could sit down with a novel or a non-fiction book and absorb some knowledge while your stress levels simmer down. And you know, reading makes you more interesting too, so…win win!

Your body is your temple. We’ve all heard it. But does it really mean anything?

It’s easy to see the body as nothing more than a vessel for life — to be used and abused. But ancient wisdom from a number of traditions tells us that the body is more than that. It is a part of our experience of life; it informs the way we move and behave in the world, and in turn the things we do change the way our body moves and works. Respect the body and it can teach us more than we might think. It is our connection with all physicality. The place in which we feel sensations and the keeper of our experience. It is much more important than the way it looks and if we listen, the body’s knowledge and intuition runs deep.

In a well known Zen story, a horse came galloping at high speed down the road — as if the rider had somewhere very important to go. Another man standing at the side of the road shouted out “Where are you going?” and the man on the horse answered, “I don’t know! Ask the horse!” The horse symbolizes the energy of habit, carrying us along without us really knowing where we’re going, or why. But all of that running is for nothing if we don’t have any intention or control. Sound familiar? Then take the reigns. Pay attention to the habitual behavior that carries you along without conscious direction. And make the decision to take charge and direct your energy towards what you really want.

Clinical psychologist Jordan Peterson says you shouldn’t compare yourself to other people. Instead, “compare yourself to who you were yesterday.” Instead of trying to defeat others, try to defeat your former self — become better than him/her. And Peterson suggests that you should constantly be trying to do that. Perpetually working to be a better man/woman than the one you were yesterday, and last week, and last year. There’s no end point. There’s no finished ‘you’. By understanding that this is lifelong work you can become the person you want to be — and then become the person you want to be after that, too.

Eye contact. Do you make it? And how often? And for how long? Looking into someone’s eyes is a powerful way to connect quickly and deeply. In fact, Eye Gazing is used as a relational therapy because it allows us to have a profound experience of connection which satisfies our physiological need to be seen and understood. Lots of us don’t make enough eye contact. We make a little and then look away; we divert our gaze to our hands or our phones or something over there on the wall. But what would happen if you held your gaze? How might you, and the person opposite you, feel? And would it change the content of your conversations? Almost definitely. It can be really hard to make and keep eye contact. And for some people it feels almost impossible. But work on it — you will not regret it.

“Nothing happens unless first we dream.” Carl Sandburg may have been talking about dreams in an aspirational sense but this is true of your actual during-the-night-while-you’re-asleep dreams too. Nothing happens unless we dream — or at least, unless we have time to dream. Sleep is crucial for our physical and mental health but it’s also incredibly important for our ability to generate ideas, follow up on them, and stay motivated. Not only that, but dreams actually give us an opportunity to see things from a different perspective. That thing that’s been weighing on your mind for days suddenly presents itself in some fantastical formation while you’re asleep and suddenly you understand it, or can see through it, or you realise that it’s not so heavy after all. Relax and look forward to those hours of rest. You never know what you might discover!

Yesterday we touched on taking care of yourself to stop short term stressors leading to poor health in the long term. So today we’re giving you a simple meditation exercise for stress relief that you can integrate into almost any moment in the day. Sit down on a chair. Shift your weight into your seat bones and feel grounded and heavy and solid. Allow your feet to become lighter and lighter — until they float up away from the ground. Hold here and notice the way your muscles contract and shift and pull to keep your feet away from the ground. And then shift the weight forwards and let your feet float to touch the ground again. Notice the connection between feet and floor — how it feels. How the muscles change. And repeat as many times as you wish. This can be a really subtle practice to play with, even when there are other people around — taking the feet an inch off the ground is as effective as lifting them higher.

What’s the difference between a short-term problem and long-term stress? Challenges, failures and losses don’t have to lead to poor mental, physical and emotional health. But they often do. When we don’t take care of ourselves during times of immediate stress, that stress can build — and before we know it we’re suffering from real conditions that have come about as a result of exposure to extended stress. But what does it mean to take care of yourself? Unfortunately there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. But give yourself time to breathe and think. Get outside and walk or run. Talk — seriously. Talk. And listen to those voices in your head that tell you “I need a break!” or “I need a little help to get through this one.”

Male bodies in the mainstream media are…confusing. Our bodies are less sexualized and less criticized than female bodies, and yet still sexualized and criticized a lot. And at the same time there are less messages out there encouraging us to love our bodies — to appreciate them for what they are, and not to buy into false perceptions of how we should and shouldn’t look. Does it go against your masculine instincts to appreciate and love your body? Do you have a tendency to push and punish and force? That’s fine, to a degree. But if you can bring it into balance and appreciate as much as you push; love as much as you challenge and train; and accept that your body will change with the seasons, with external stressors and influences; then those hours of pushing will be for personal improvement and not personal punishment.

Do you aspire to a creative career? Three words: Hone Your Craft. The people who can help you make a good living out of your passion will be interested in working with you if that passion is blindingly visible to them — and your skill is unmissable, too. So take the time. Put the work in. Dedicate every minute you can to getting better at what you do, and learning everything you can about your work and its history and intricacies, and developing yourself. Boundaries are important, of course. But an intense period of immersion into your craft will drive you forwards and set you apart from the crowd. You’ll learn exponentially and set yourself on the path to creating the career you want; the one that allows you to spend the rest of your life exploring the thing that inspires you the most. What can you do to hone your craft today?

When you have a new idea — or when someone suggests an idea to you — look at how it could work before you think about why it might not work. Lots of us are programmed to look at the negatives first; to be cynical about new ideas and reject them with the assumption that they’re doomed to failure. But what if they’re not? Practice focusing on why an idea is good before you start exploring why it might be bad. Approach it with an attitude of curiosity and see how you could make it work. What would you need to do? What would you need to change? Who could you get to help? Not all ideas will lead to success, but having an open mind will lead to more and more good opportunities.

Love and sex are intertwined, but they don’t always go together. The difference between love and sex lies in acceptance. Genuine love is complete acceptance of another person. Sex — particularly the deeper attraction — is about polarity; the masculine and the feminine coming together in a powerful way.  This polarity is something to respect and protect. Masculinity and femininity, when they interact with respect and love — with acceptance — can change the world. Masculine energy cannot be complete without feminine energy, and vice versa. But together they are balanced.  When those two energies come together in a relationship, each person can become who they really are. Instead of fighting to fulfill every role in life, each person can develop in the areas they’re drawn to and trust, unconditionally, that the other half of their partnership will take responsibility for their part in the whole.