Tasteless

If I'm going to watch a man-child try to impress a girl in the big city, I prefer one in a loincloth. Everyone loses their minds over Will Ferrell in Elf but we need to acknowledge the hunkiness and fun of Brendan Fraser in George of the Jungle.

The Thing is a so-called classic horror film starring Goldie Hawn's husband and some other old dudes. The Faculty is a tour de force of perfect casting, clever writing, and some real scares. If I was in charge of Hollywood, I would implement a law that required every film to star Jordana Brewster and any offenders would be sent into the La Brea Tar Pit.

These are two babysitters you probably won't find on Angie's List. Leon the assassin's love for milk can't keep Leon: The Professional from being a real creepfest while pointy witch Angelina Jolie makes Maleficent the feel good film of 2014.

If I'm going to watch someone plot a murder, I'm bypassing creepy shaved head Robert De Niro in Taxi Driver and going right for one-liner loving Mila Kunis in American Psycho 2. 

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" could really sum up Tasteless as a whole. This episode, I practice my Minnesota accent, complain about children, and reminisce over Kirstie Alley while defending the brilliance of Drop Dead Gorgeous over the mediocrity of Little Miss Sunshine.

Quentin Tarantino is whatever, Zoë Bell is a goddess, Reservoir Dogs is a snooze fest, and B*tch Slap needs to be on everyone's must watch list ASAP.

Foxcatcher and Bring It On are about athletes, power, and paranoia. Wrestling and cheerleading are more similar than you may think! And Big Red is the John du Pont of teen films. 

If you want quirky women, look no further than this episode where I debate the Manic Pixie Dream Girl title given to Kirsten Dunst and her red hat in Elizabethtown. I also complain about Amelie sticking her hand in things and grinning from under her bangs. I miss Orlando Bloom.

Unleash the beast with the titular characters of An American Werewolf in London and Jennifer's Body. Diablo Cody can do no wrong, Megan Fox needs a comeback, and I own 3 copies of Jennifer's Body so I'm sure you can guess which movie I prefer.

Imagine a world where people drive fast cars and always have a witty comeback.  Are you Team Baby or Team Toretto? I compare Baby Driver to The Fate of the Furious in this episode and I make NO APOLOGIES for being Team Toretto all the way. 

I'm sorry, nerds. The Dark Knight has the incredible Heath Ledger but Batman and Robin has literally everything else I could want in a movie: George Clooney's chin, bat nipples, and ice puns. 

If you've ever wanted to hear about sad white ladies in muted tones, look no further. Learn why I think The Private Lives of Pippa Lee and Blake Lively's spun gold hair are more deserving of your eyeballs than The Hours. 

When the options are living legend Britney Spears or angry man with bloody hands, the choice is clear. 

Is pitting Spotlight against Never Been Kissed totally inappropriate? Maybe, but the mystery of where Leelee Sobieski has been hiding is more fascinating to me than 99% of Spotlight.

The Godfather represents 175 minutes of life that Emily will never get back. My Best Friend's Wedding showcases the charm and giant hair of Julia Roberts in only 105 minutes. Empirically, My Best Friend's Wedding is the better movie. 

In the first episode of Tasteless, Emily breaks down the types of terrible movies she loves and explains why Showgirls is a better film than La La Land.