Tasteless

This week’s comparison features two movies that reflect on the state of society and free will - it’s A Clockwork Orange vs The Stepford Wives (2004). Stanley Kubrick’s 80 hour so-called masterpiece is a dark future world of ultraviolence, while The Stepford Wives is a hilarious satire that follows Nicole Kidman’s entry into an idyllic town straight out of Leave It To Beaver. These movies are shockingly similar in how they deal with conformity, control, and what it means to be a human.

I have watched many an erotic thriller in my day, so I thought it fitting we talk about one of the first versus one of the best — it’s Fatal Attraction vs Obsessed. Was Michael Douglas a sex symbol? Why was everyone in Fatal Attraction so into spaghetti? Why haven’t you all watched Obsessed?! Idris Elba is a hot rich guy who sends his wife, Beyoncé, flowers every week, while Ali Larter munches on strawberries and wears a trench coat. The choice between these two films is clear.

I LOVE CRUEL INTENTIONS. I had to get that out there first. I love it so much. This episode of Tasteless focuses on high school megalomaniacs who manipulate everyone around them: Ferris Bueller in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and Kathryn Merteuil in Cruel Intentions. I think Ferris is a full on monster, maybe related to my difficult negative emotions surrounding Matthew Broderick, and I think Sarah Michelle Gellar as Kathryn is one of the all time best characters committed to film.

We are fascinated by serial killers, some to an unhealthy degree. Of course they’ve crept into our media, and so I’m pitting a crime drama about one of the most infamous serial killers of all time against an A+ thriller featuring a serial killer that mimics those who came before him. It’s Zodiac vs Copycat. Zodiac features Jake Gyllenhaal, Mark Ruffalo, Robert Downey Jr., Dermot Mulroney, Chloe Sevigny, and about 100 other unnecessary people. Copycat stars Sigourney Weaver, Holly Hunter, and also Dermot Mulroney, who in this movie puts a cheeseburger in his pocket in one of the kindest acts I’ve ever witnessed.

Two movies that are shockingly similar in their theme of parents willing to go to any lengths for their children are Mrs. Doubtfire and Striptease. Spoiler alert, I’m going to convince you that you’re better off watching Striptease with your kids than Mrs. Doubtfire because Striptease has better morals.

Today we dig into one of the biggest disagreements among all humans: what do aliens look like?! Are they grey with big eyes? Are they super hotties? E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial and Earth Girls are Easy chose different portrayals for their central aliens, but both movies feature a human in need of a friend and an alien in need of a savior. 

It's the showdown we've all been waiting for — two movies that feature people who should really wear gloves when they go to work and stop getting their finger oils on priceless artifacts aka Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark vs Lara Croft: Tomb Raider.

The Grand Budapest Hotel and Butter both feature a bunch of weirdos with passions they excel at and children that are not annoying, a real feat for any movie. The cast of characters in both films is extensive and impressive, leading to a real grab bag of humor, emotions, and insanity.

Easy A and The Princess Diaries are two coming-of-age movies about young women in high school who get makeovers, stop being invisible, and have to figure out who they really are. Anne Hathaway is a comedic gift, Mandy Moore's Wild Hope is my favorite album of all time, and none of us appreciated the friendship of Heather Matarazzo as much as we should have.

Here are two movies where women have complicated crime schemes and the viewer goes on a real crazy ride - it's Gone Girl vs Wild Things. In this episode, I also take a moment to give an impassioned defense of the erotic thriller genre as a whole. Spoilers ahead for both films, but honestly I could tell you every beat of Wild Things and you should still watch and enjoy it.

The Cabin in the Woods and The Final Girls are trailblazers in the world of horror, both very unique takes on the genre that play with scary movie tropes but have as many laughs as there are scares. I get way too earnest about my deep love and appreciation for The Final Girls and Malin Akerman. I swear it's a funny movie even though I talk about it with the gravitas usually reserved for movies like Schindler's List or Sophie's Choice. 

If you asked anyone to name a comedy about a group of women, girl power, and friendship, 9 out of 10 times they would say Bridesmaids. As the tenth and most correct person, I would say Spice World. 

I compare two dramedies about mental illness - one is a beautiful movie with an incredible cast that deserved a million Oscars and the other is a movie called Silver Linings Playbook. The one that deserves your respect and praise is The Skeleton Twins, and by the end of this episode you'd better have rented or purchased a copy. Also, I get into my oft-discussed hatred for Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence, it's the opposite feeling of the true and real love I feel

In one of my most important comparisons, I discuss forbidden love and ignoring society's judgments in The Shape of Water and Shallow Hal. The Shape of Water is the Amélie of the sea, NOT INTERESTED. However, I AM interested in Gwyneth Paltrow and I need her to come fix my life. All hail Goop.

This week delves into two cautionary tales about being careful what you wish for as precocious kids wish to be adults in Big and 13 Going on 30. Jennifer Garner is pure sunshine and Tom Hanks is fine too. 

This week's movies are both about a shy, down on their luck person who finds an inner strength within a group of like-minded individuals and comes out of their shell — it's Fight Club vs Coyote Ugly. Important takeaways: I teared up 5+ times while re-watching Coyote Ugly and Fight Club would be a better movie if it was from Helena Bonham Carter's point of view. 

Quentin Tarantino said, "If we'd grown up in Australia, BMX Bandits would have been our Goonies" and I'm inclined to agree. Find out how these two movies about kids getting involved in the crimes of weird looking adults compare, and why Nicole Kidman will inspire you to tuck your t-shirt into your pants. 

Ocean's 8 is everything I could have ever wanted in a film. It's a perfect expansion of Ocean's Eleven and the Ocean's Universe (which I believe will one day rival the MCU). While I loved Ocean's Eleven, Ocean's 8 is now my favorite in the franchise. Find out how they compare in this episode, where I also get the chance to express my deep admiration for Sandra Bullock, America's Sweetheart.

High school has never been as deliciously evil as in Heathers and Jawbreaker, but I'd pick the ladies of Jawbreaker to rule my school any day of the week. 

Two very different tales of home invasion: lighthearted bumbling robbers try to bust in on Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone and a slightly more organized team terrorizes Gabrielle Union and family in Breaking In. Basically, Breaking In is a superior reverse retelling of Home Alone and you should see it ASAP.