Married To Doctors

In today's episode, Lara shares 9 tips for handling difficult conversations around vaccines. Specifically, she speaks about how to approach interactions on social media when it comes to the COVID-19 vaccine.  "Who likes to hear that they're wrong, especially like an open platform like Facebook. Again, no one wants to be embarrassed. If you can keep them from being embarrassed, you're going to get a lot further." -Lara McElderry

In this episode, Lara shares experiences from others married to doctors on the tender topic of how the pandemic has affected their doctor-spouses. Specifically, the side affects we may see in them and ourselves. This topic recently came up in the Married to Doctors Facebook Group. Lara also shares a few thoughts on how we as humans have the gift of choice and can decide how we will respond to the challenges we face. "Someone's else response: I'm exhibiting the side effects. I told my husband I would probably always be a germaphobe. That I was sorry I was ruined. He was so fantastic with his response. It's ok if you're a germaphobe. You are not ruined. And that's where I got the titled for this podcast. I love that. You are not ruined." -Lara McElderry

In this episode, Lara walks you through an exercise to try when dealing with a difficult person in your life. We all have someone we are annoyed of or feel we should love them more than we do. So, grab a sheet of paper and walk through these exercises.  "What does it feel like when you've chosen not to love this person? Does it feel justified to you? Does it feel like it's the right thing? Does it feel crappy? Does it feel like a loss in your life? Does it feel empty or sad or dark or frustrating?" -Lara McElderry

Learn More about the Married to Doctors Retreat here. This episode explores how to love living in a new location, even if you will only live there for a short time.  Author, Melody Warnick, shares some wonderful insights and tips on how to feel rooted in a temporary home. 

Lara and Kendra Harvey discuss plans for the first-ever Married To Doctors Retreat that will be in Austin, TX October 12-15th.  Link to register:  https://courses.marriedtodoctors.com/Austin

In this episode, Lara discusses three ways to help YOU when your doc-spouse is stressed out. Whether it's exams, studying, boards, or patients, stress is inevitable. Lara also shares 10 thoughts to help combat the stress along the medical journey. "I really want you to try to have radical acceptance of who this person is you've married. And how they manage their time. How they do things." -Lara McElderry

In this episode, Lara shares Four Steps to Creating a Successful Boundary. She defines what the difference is between a request and a boundary. Learn how to hold to that boundary and even decide whether or not it should be a boundary. "So, a very clear boundary with an adult, might be if you choose to text and drive, I'm not going to ride with you in the car. Now the trick is, can you going to follow through on that. You have to be able to follow through on your boundary. Otherwise you're like the parent who lets them get away with it. They push their food around. Well, they only picked up their phone at the traffic light or when its safe, and you've let them kind of get away with it." -Lara McElderry Snag your freebie from this episode here... Four Steps to Creating a Successful Boundary

In this episode, Lara speaks with Sarah Scott, the mommy blogger behind The Scotty Style about all things parenting. Sarah discusses how to not yell at your kids, as well as, some of her best tips when it comes to parenting authentically. Sarah is married to a radiation oncologist and a mom of two.  "The number one reason, in fact perhaps the only reason in my opinion, that parents yell at their kids, is not because of the child's behavior, it's just because that we're stressed out. We're either stressed out or particularly triggered. Not everything triggers everybody. But for whatever reason, what ever your child did triggered you. Or, you're already at your base level right now because you're stressed." -Sarah Scott

In this episode, Lara discusses some personal experiences, how we process feelings, and ways we can balance our thoughts. She address what it means to assess your emotions with “And, Or, But… and It’s Possible.” Sadness, anger, loss, and pain are basic emotions of life. Dealing with them effectively can be a struggle and it can be tempting to act on those feelings right away. Often that impulse doesn’t fix the situation that caused the emotions. In fact, it may lead to more problems to deal with later on. So why not do something about it?  Giving yourself the space to question the state of your mind can drastically change your state of being and, when reciprocated, does the same for your significant others. Find out a few ways to balance your thoughts in this episode! "It's ok for me to be happy and sad, right? It's ok to have both of those emotions, and I don't necessarily have to choose. Maybe they are both true." -Lara McElderry

In this episode, Lara talks with Dr. Kate Mangona who shares some of her best tips when it comes to medicine, marriage, and money. Dr. Mangona shares from her personal experiences as a physician, mom, and coach. "I grew up being very frugal with how I spent my money, but also just wanting to save it and not necessarily invest it. And what I've learned from that is saving is not a way to build wealth. It's not a way to build legacy. It's not a way to create this blanket of security for your family." -Dr. Kate Mangona

In this episode, Lara speaks with Becky Hoschek, a life and mindset coach for moms building businesses and growing careers while raising kids. They discuss the challenging decision mothers make when it comes to whether or not (and when) to return to work. They also explore the idea of women wanting more beyond motherhood and discovering what they want. "There's some guilt that creeps in, in making wanting more mean that what you have isn't enough already. That you are not grateful. That you should be completely content with what you have. And we kind of make it mean something bad about ourselves." -Becky Hoschek

In this episode, Lara talks with Lauren Leedy, a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist, about taking care of our health through food during training and beyond! They discuss how healthy eating doesn't have to be hard for busy physician families. Lauren shares how to make the healthy choice the easy choice — including her 15-minute hack for a quick healthy meal and satisfying snacks to help our physician spouses stay full.   "What people struggle with with Nutrition. It that it just has become way too complicated. Like, it's so difficult to understand what we are supposed to eat and what we're not supposed to eat. There is just so much misinformation. And diet culture has destroyed a lot of people's relationship with food, and that really breaks my heart." -Lauren Leedy, Registered Dietitian Nutritionist

In this episode, Lara discusses the question, "Are you childish?" It actually has nothing to do with age or life experience, but everything about how we manage our feelings. She gives some life coaching tips on how we can become an emotional adult instead of relying on others to make us happy or secure. "So, what is our option? Our option is to become an emotional adult instead of an emotional child. Emotional adults take responsibility for our own feelings. This is the best news because than we aren't dependent on anyone else for our own happiness. We are much more empowered to create our own happiness." -Lara McElderry

It's ok to be happy! In this solo episode, Lara explores what is happiness, why we sometimes avoid it, and how to experience it more fully.  "So, we were just all happy and thankful and in a good place. And you know what my brain did? I swear if it didn't say, 'Lara, somethings coming. Whenever things get good, something bad always happens. There's always something on the horizon. Don't get too excited. Don't enjoy this too much. The bottom is going to fall out.'" -Lara McElderry

In this episode, Lara talks about how to handle things when other people judge you for having money. There are many assumptions and stereotypes that are made about physician spouses when it comes to finances. Lara helps us explore our own beliefs about money to address this issue. "Have you ever been told that you're just lucky to be married to a doctor? Did that go over well? Likely not. For me, it didn't go over well for a long time. I was like, what are you talking about? I married this guy who was going to be a math teacher. Ok? I didn't marry a doctor. What are you talking about luck? We had to go through bachelors degree, MCAT, med school, and all of these things, and six figure debt. You just immediately want to get into your story." -Lara McElderry

In this episode, Lara discusses how to fight like you love each other. Often it can be difficult to bring up hard conversations, we worry about our spouse's response. Lara shares four things to think about before having a hard conversation and other components to consider during that conversation. "So that's not really conversation, that's more of like, 'I'm going to tell them something.' So, if you're really wanting to have a conversation, try the thought that 'I'm willing to learn something new.'" -Lara McElderry

In this episode, Lara talks with Australian native Jeanette Del Zio about how around the world, being married to a doctor still requires sacrifice. Jeanette shares the highs and lows they've experienced as she juggled trying to balance her career and medical marriage marriage. Jeanette also discusses the process of the medical journey in Australia. "It's just the demands. I soon realized, I can't have my cake and eat it too. I can't have a healthy marriage. I can't have a very successful business where you know I'm making the big bucks and enjoying these amazing projects. And, also commute and have a surgical training husband. That doesn't gel." -Jeanette Del Zio

In this episode, Lara talks with Dr. Vanessa Calderón, MD, MPP about how we show up in our marriages. Everything from what it's like for physicians when they're choosing a specialty to how to help our doc-spouses who are on the frontlines with COVID-19. They also discuss how to be intentional with your thoughts in marriage through causal coaching. "Similar to emergency medicine, where I believe I can take care of anyone, anytime, with any complaint, it's the same thing with life coaching. Especially general life coaching, you show up with any problem, anytime and I can help you solve it. It's like emergency medicine but for the mind and for the soul." -Dr. Vanessa Calderón, MD, MPP

In this episode, Lara speaks with an anonymous couple who share their experience when they did not match to a residency program. They participated in the scramble, applied for research positions, and finally ended up where they needed to be as they embraced the journey. *The couple will be known as Jack and Lisa in this episode. Names are changed for privacy. "I applied to all the surgical subspecialties. I applied to prelim surgery spots. I applied to prelim medicine spots. I applied to anesthesia spots. I applied to EM spots. All of them. Literally every single open spot. Like I said, I think it was over 100 spots that I applied to.  So, anyways, it was a really stressful time. Very hard time." -Anonymous  Match Day and Moving Guide Download this FREE list of resources and be prepared for Match Day. You'll find resources to help you cover all your bases to prepare and then adjust to Residency Match: Match Day and Moving Guide.

In this episode, Lara talks with Dr. Jimmy Turner, MD of the Physician Philosopher and his wife Kristen Turner. They share about their marriage, family, entrepreneur life, and the benefits of life coaching. Dr. Jimmy Turner is a life coach for physicians and helps them recover from burnout. "And I think he was driven more towards, 'Ok I'm burnt out. I'm having a hard time. Maybe I should work towards retiring early.' And while that's probably still a goal, it's shifted a little in a more healthy perspective as he's learned through coaching and all these things how to take a step back and shift your perspective. He still loves practicing medicine....The goal doesn't have to be to get out of that. It's not like he's coaching people out of that. But that's the shift that I've seen that as you learn to deal with things and that other people struggle with it. The goal doesn't have to be to get out of it, it's really how to help other people deal with it." -Kristen Turner