Sober Soul Recovery

  What are the differences between a lapse/ slip and relapse/return to using? Solutions that work H.A.L.T. Emotions  Stress False Confidence over humility Physical and Mental health Social isolation The good stuff of life  

Addiction does not just spring up one day. Often, several circumstances line up that, over time, cause a person who would otherwise enjoy casual drinking or avoid substance abuse to become addicted to drugs or alcohol. The process of developing an addiction, in this case, tends to occur over a series of stages and, like other chronic illnesses, often turns into a cycle of addiction, treatment or abstinence, and relapse. The multiple stages of addiction can occur over a short period of time, or they can take months or even years to develop. A person who has only occasionally had a casual drink may, over years, develop a habit that can turn into a larger problem.

Fear, also called stress affects everyone and everything. Fear. If you ever wonder what one's biggest challenge is in life than don’t think any further. It is fear. Everything boils down to fear. They say the biggest fear is fear for Fear Itself. And that’s what you have to deal with. Every day again. Every moment. Think about it. Any given moment you have the choice to face or numb fear. And with numbing fear I also include avoiding or walking away from it, so you don’t have to face it. Each day more and more of us are choosing to numb it.

Dr. Shonali Saha is a board-certified addiction medicine specialist and internist. She completed primary care/internal medicine residency at Cambridge Health Alliance of Harvard Medical School. She completed fellowships in both addiction and adolescent medicine at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine. She currently educates medical students, residents, and faculty on addiction medicine as an adjunct assistant professor at both the Emory and Morehouse Schools of Medicine.

Trying to avoid or suppress painful emotions is similar to being mired in quicksand. The harder we struggle to get free, the more anxiety and stress we experience, the deeper we sink and the more stuck we become. Avoidance of uncomfortable feelings inevitably backfires—extending and exacerbating our emotional pain. It is only when we can move into our experience and accept our emotions, observe them, allow ourselves to feel and express them, and let what is there to simply be, that they gradually and progressively lose their grip and begin to dissipate on their own.

Acceptance and Permission are a huge part of a healthy recovery.  Nothing humbles a person quite so fast as getting sick. Where once you felt confident, capable, and ready to take on the world, suddenly you’re curled up in the fetal position beneath a mound of snotty tissues.   The bad news is that it’s simply not possible to snap your fingers and be well again. (But kudos to whoever patents that technology in the future!) The good news is that a few tried-and-true strategies may help you recover more effectively from illness of any kind.

Burnout is one of those road hazards in life that high-achievers really should be keeping a close eye out for, but sadly—often because of their "I can do everything" personalities—they rarely see it coming. Because high-achievers are often so passionate about what they do, they tend to ignore the fact that they're working exceptionally long hours, taking on exceedingly heavy work loads, and putting enormous pressure on themselves to excel—all of which make them ripe for burnout.    

For someone struggling with a substance abuse problem, maintaining sobriety is often an everyday struggle. The potential for relapse is always there, but knowing the warning signs that could foreshadow a relapse can help to avoid it. It’s important for friends and family to be educated on what to look for as potential triggers for relapse, and it’s important for those in recovery to be able to monitor themselves as well.

Wherever you fall on the spectrum of substance use disorder, life in and around active addiction is often uncertain, unbalanced, unstructured, and unpredictable. That’s why a structured environment and routine are cornerstones of a successful recovery program. The research evidence and my experiences with clients make a strong case for the importance of setting up a clear structure and sticking to it. This means having a consistent routine and adhering to it every day. It means establishing a sense of organization and order with regard to daily tasks and responsibilities. It means attending to the basic activities of daily life, keeping a simple daily schedule that you can stick to, maintaining a balanced lifestyle, and making sure sobriety remains a priority. It might sound like a lot, but with a little help from the right supports, it’s completely possible, and it makes all the difference in the world.

Learning healthy coping skills is one of the most important parts of addiction recovery. For many people who struggle with addiction, substance use was their primary means of coping with life’s difficulties. Whether the issue was stress, anxiety, depression, or trauma, drugs or alcohol helped to relieve the distress. Recovery may appear daunting because you no longer have that crutch to lean on when things get tough. Therefore, a successful recovery depends on finding new ways to cope with old problems. Here are some healthier ways of coping with

Our addictions are a complicated blend of our traumas, our fears, our biochemical makeup and our pain responses. Blaming ourselves for our addictions is simplistic and loses sight of all the multiple factors that can go into them. What would it mean to have more understanding and compassion for ourselves, rather than choosing to blame and judge ourselves?

The American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM) defines addiction as a prolonged disease of the brain, which involves changes to the reward centers, leading to alterations in behaviors, drive, retention, and cognition. Medical researchers believe that a combination of genetics, environment, and family history all contribute to an individual’s risk of substance abuse throughout life. These factors may show up in an individual’s personality in specific ways, indicating a heightened risk for addiction to a drug or alcohol. 

When I first started to question the importance of alcohol and anxiety medication in my life, my confusion over, who to ask,  where to begin and who to trust quickly overwhelmed me and kept me from moving forward.  Year after year, month after month and finally day after day I searched online for The Answer.     Looking back, I wish someone had helped me list some options, identify some choices to gain more information, to help clear my mind and restore the functionality of my brain, my body.  

Effective communication is a connection between people that allows for the exchange of thoughts, feelings, and ideas, and leads to mutual understanding. People tend to take the communication process for granted. We generally figure that the communication between two or more people is no big deal. It just works. However, the reality is very different—the process of communication is actually impressively complex.

The truth of this relational dysfunction in adults is that there was some type of parental invalidation of their emotions when they were children. One can imagine a child coming home from school each day and a parent neglecting to process with them, espousing a “seen but not heard” stance. This child learns to not share emotions and cannot gain the capacity or vocabulary to understand what they are feeling. They have no safe space and instead grow up without receiving the empathy they need for healthy development. This can result in not having a lot of empathy for themselves or others around them. They are a “closed system” and may be unaware of the whybehind their lack of healthy communication.

“Based on my research and the research of other shame researchers, I believe that there is a profound difference between shame and guilt. I believe that guilt is adaptive and helpful – it’s holding something we’ve done or failed to do up against our values and feeling psychological discomfort. I define shame as the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection. I don’t believe shame is helpful or productive. In fact, I think shame is much more likely to be the source of destructive, hurtful behavior than the solution or cure. I think the fear of disconnection can make us dangerous.”

Samantha asks "I have been going to meetings, talking to my sponsor, going to a psychologist, and going to a psychiatrist. My anxieties, depression, and insecurities have only seemed to deepen. Is there anything you suggest I do to help cope with all of this in sobriety?"

Two psychotherapists, Sherry Gaba, and Lynn Matti relate personal stories of how we develop unhealthy coping patterns of self-soothing to compensate. They “go deeper” into the cause and effect of feeling unsafe in our early years. 

Why do we struggle with first asking for help and then finding the right fit? Our fears, questions to ask, what to expect and how to challenge yourself and others to get what you need. 

What's the big deal with everyone calling themselves an introvert?  Why it's hip, but not the full story.  Learn how we can better understand who we are in order to better handle everyday life.