Black Zen And The Weekly Wellness

Think back to when you were in school, there were really only two important days - the first day of school and the last day of school. I distinctly remember organizing and re-organizing my pencil box and Trapper Keeper in anticipation! Fast forward to June and your girl was spent; I couldn't wait for that last bell to ring. While summer was uneventful (imagine your girls living in jammies watching The Price is Right and playing Monopoly for an entire two months), it did come with the promise of no classes, homework or study hall. It's a shame that as adults we no longer have these days to look forward to... or do we? I'd like to officially declare a summer break on #adulting! This is not to say we neglect our responsibilities, but we really should make an effort to feel that release of duty, obligation and expectation on some level, just as we did during those childhood summers. In an effort to practice what we preach, your Black Zen Team is reclaiming a summer break of our own! We're taking off the month

The most surprising discovery at any stage of life is that we're still in the process of creating our story. Given the average age of life expectancy in the U.S. is now 81 for women and 76 for men, once we reach our 40's we most likely still have another lifetime left to live! This Weekly Wellness is all about acknowledging that we are never too old to do something we want to do and are never too young to live life in the 60+ range when you have the freedom to do what you want, and are armed with the understanding that you are your only audience.

I found myself curiously unable to sleep last week. For those that know me, this is especially rare as I've been known to sleep standing up, or if really exhausted, even in mid-conversation! So staring at the ceiling at 2 a.m. only amplified a steadily growing and nagging feeling. As I laid in bed, my thoughts drifted between decisions about my future (both personally and professionally) and whether those decisions would align with the outcomes I was hoping to achieve. These thoughts started out innocently enough; a low rumble amidst all the other noise of the day. Then they seemed to morph into a sticky feeling in the pit of my stomach, until ultimately landing like a rock in my chest. It wasn't until a few days later that I was able to pinpoint the name of my sleep invader - worry…

I don't know if it's the weather changing or watching all the dry trees sprout new leaves, but there's something in the air right now and it's got your Black Zen Team feeling like it's time to shine! And when we say shine, we mean walking tall and proudly in our accomplishments, which goes well beyond an Instagram post or an updated Facebook status. This is the time to boldly stand out and put all of our wonderful uniqueness and growth on display. If not now, when? We've been working on planting good seeds and nurturing the parts of ourselves that we want to see grow. We've been diligent about putting in the work to start seeing results in the areas of our life that were dormant before now. It's crucial to remember that letting ourselves step into this new light is just as important and necessary as the hard work we put in to get here…

Through our previous experiences we've developed habits, defenses and thought patterns to deal with the rough spots. We continually create habitual responses to certain circumstances, people and situations (both good and bad). Now is the time to examine those automatic reactions and see if we're responding in a way that truly moves us forward. Whether we know it or not, we have full authority over our thoughts, the words we say, and the choices we make. These are the things that shape what we experience. And if so much of how we experience our life has to do with how we tell our story - why not make it a good one?...

Jas and I often discuss how meditation can assist and/or fix any difficult situation in life, and while we stand by this, there is another hitch to this cart to make it work. What meditation won't do is alleviate all of our problems quickly, especially if we don't have a true intention to change. All of us have an opportunity to retrain ourselves and live up to our full potential, and ultimately, the process is worth it! Once we are truly ready to grow, we have to start by being willing to change the mindset that created the issues in the first place…

I was digging through my purse a few days ago and found a $50 dollar bill. Now there are three things you should know about me before I continue this story: 1. My loved ones have frequently described me as, "frugal AF" 2. I rarely carry cash. 3. If I somehow have more than a $5 spot on me, it ain't mine. So imagine my elation at the discovery of this "big face" bill that miraculously made its way into my possession. My first thought, "Who's is this?!' My second thought - "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth ;)" The surprise and delight of the unexpected can be rare for some of us, so it's important to acknowledge and celebrate these small wins as they come. You want to automatically brighten your day? Think of one unexpected good thing that happened to you in the last week. Notice how you feel at just the thought of that experience. Now, imagine navigating all of life's experiences with that same enthusiasm and belief of something unexpectedly awesome being just around the corner...

We talk a lot about letting things and people go that no longer serve or help us. This week, we want to add guilt and shame to that list! At some point in time, despite our best inclinations and intentions, we have all done something we are not proud of. Remembering these experiences can make us cringe, and at its most heavy-handed, make us feel worse about ourselves even long after the shameful event has occurred. So the question we're posing this week is, "Why dwell on these old memories?" For instance, think of one thing you are most embarrassed about right now. What feelings come up? Has your demeanor or mood changed? Unless you're feeling more empowered than you did 2 minutes ago, remembering that experience is not serving you…

In last week's Weekly Wellness, we touched on the slight difference between being unmotivated and just plain tired! So once we've taken the needed rest to help us jump back into the swing of things or re-gained our motivation to see our goals through, we should still be calculated about next steps so we don't end-up in the same tired/unmotivated slump once again. For this week's Weekly Wellness we're going to focus on how to not mistake activity with achievement…

Jas and I were out to lunch today and we laughed for a good 5 minutes over the following statement: "The juice ain't worth the squeeze, and the squeeze ain't worth the juice!" Given the state of our appearance, it would have suggested that our efforts should have produced more than the current results and both the ridiculousness and realness of that statement truly hit home in that moment. We were taking stock of what we had accomplished this week with work, life's chores, etc. and since we both looked so bedraggled, couldn't help but call it out. For the next few minutes we were laughing because our efforts had brought us to the place of pure exhaustion. Well no more running ourselves ragged and we're encouraging you to take stock of what takes up the most of your time, and then ask, is it worth it?...

In sharing time and energy with the people we surround ourselves with, we've come to expect certain things. Whether we want to admit it or not, there are unwritten rules in every relationship - from romantic partners to friends, and even co-workers. It's when someone breaks one or more of these invisible guidelines that our relationships become fractured and possibly even end. This Weekly Wellness is dedicated to preventing that break. And if the break already happened, listen in to find out what steps to take to repair the relationship. But first, what are these unwritten rules and are they reasonable? ...

The idea of mind, body and spirit has been used by many to describe our human make-up. If we breakdown this concept in its simplest form, it suggests that the body informs the mind of what it needs and then the mind makes the decisions of how to get those needs met. While the body is rooted in nature and survival, the mind is consumed with the daily task of problem solving. This leaves the soul or spirit on its own to contemplate the higher concepts of meaning and existence. If we go with this trio idea of the human composition, the question we want to ask ourselves is which one man's the ship? Is it the body, mind or soul that steers the direction of our actions, and subsequently, the course of our life?...

We might be aging ourselves here, but does anyone else remember that hilarious scene in Harlem Nights when Della Reese's character goes off about the orange juice? For those not familiar with the movie (shade, no shade), think Eve in Barbershop inquiring about the disappearance of her apple juice. In both instances, it wasn't so much that someone drank the juice, it was that they "only left a swalla' in the container!" Both characters had their mouths all warmed up for a certain experience, only to find their expectations would no longer be fulfilled. I’m sure there are many times where we can relate to having grand expectations, and then being confronted with a reality much different than we thought it would be. Rather than trying to completely ignore the impulse of anticipation, a better strategy is learning how to manage expectations so they don't manage you…

As mindful people, we're usually able to clearly see when things (in the words of my grandma) make no damn sense. And it wasn't until I was watching the 10 o'clock news that I became confronted with my own ideas about what is acceptable. I sat and watched 30 minutes of crime and violence under the guise of "staying informed" until it finally hit me how unconstructive the news really was. Has being informed about crime ever reduced the crime rate? And despite it not adding anything to my life, I watched it anyway. In the past we've discussed watching what we consume, but we've never really looked at what kinda bullwinkie our own minds might be signing-off on and whether or not this is helpful…

T.M. Scanlon coined the idea of contractualism which examines our obligation to be moral human beings. In reading some of his work, really interesting questions pop-up like ... “What are we obligated to do for family and loved ones? And if it’s anything, does this obligation extend to people we do not know and/or society on the whole?” Most of us find it easy and almost instinctual to love and be kind to those close to us, but what about everyone else? While we agree it takes a certain heart to be a saint, where does altruism (selfless concern for the well-being of others) fit into our growth and development as people?...

I make fun of Jasmine often. It’s a light-hearted ribbing based on the old school “dozens” that comes naturally when knowing someone so well. The jokes this week started while I watched her tear her house apart looking for a pair of old shoes. As I’m watching (and not helping in any way, shape, or form), I realize I know exactly where those shoes are – at a Goodwill on the Westside where she donated them over a year ago during what I’ve dubbed a “Marie Kondo fit.” This got me thinking. Sometimes in our rush for change, we can end up throwing the baby out with the bathwater. In the past we've covered what's worth holding on to and which habits to keep and which habits to ditch, but when it comes to people, we wanted to provide a cautionary tale about too quickly eliminating what we may need or want down the road…

The insensitivity or criticism of others has a tendency to trigger our insecurities like nothing else. For the ultra-sensitive person, even a quick glance from a stranger can have you questioning your entire appearance, if not just your fashion choices that particular day. For others, it could be that while you don't care about what a stranger thinks, as soon as a family member says something it can trigger all sorts of past hurts and perceived slights. It's in these moments that we have to remind ourselves not to take anything personally. People will do and say the craziest things, and usually, it's to cover their own insecurities and complexes and have much less to do with us than we think…

I'm not gonna lie, good food brings me joy! Should it though? Don't care. I refuse to even ruminate on this as I mentally plan my next meal. Food and I have been best pals for a minute and the only reason I'm sharing this personal TMI is to say - if I can fast, anyone can! Before adamantly rejecting the idea, know that fasting can take many forms outside of food. We're talking about any type of break (sex, drugs, rock n' roll, you name it) that's going to make you step back long enough to see it from a different perspective. When looking at the nature of fasting, it's the simple act of giving up something we enjoy in an effort to see that behavior, habit, mindset, or personal crutch with more clarity and a deeper understanding about why we are so attached to these things in the first place. Breaking old habits is the starting point to any real change, and fasting has been found to be the fast-track to helping that happen…

Jas and I had the benefit of growing up around wise people. And not wise by traditional standards, but wise in how they moved about the world and navigated through and around hardship or difficulty. An example of this unconventional wisdom is captured in our step-dad’s most memorable phrase while growing up: “Opinions are like butt-holes, everybody has one and most of them stink!” No parenting guide in the world would suggest such frankness (and crassness let my mother tell it) to children, but had our step-dad subscribed to parenting guide opinions, we might not be the free-thinking ladies you find today. That small insight sparked confidence as a teen and the fearlessness in adulthood to look past what others think and trust our own instincts. In continuing with the unconventional wisdom in this week's wellness, we came across a few other examples that we can apply to our daily lives…

Ever been in a three-legged race and your partner has a broken leg? I haven’t either, but I imagine you wouldn’t get very far! This is what happens when we tie ourselves to the wrong people. It makes progress in any direction slow and cumbersome. And while I’m all for helping people and propping them up, at some point we need to recognize when they are bringing us down. In past editions we’ve discussed the importance of choosing the right squad and personal growth within a partnership, but this week we wanted to look at how to choose the right partner from jump!...