Healthy Family Connections

In this episode Neil responds to a question from a mother who is wondering if Dads tend to be peacekeepers and because of that, support mediocrity while Moms support high standards and peace through accomplishment. Neil explains the many circumstances that feed this common dynamic but Neil doesn’t stop there. He offers a way forward so that these negative patterns don’t prevail. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil shares his childhood, young adult and professional journey and how he came to see family therapy as an opportunity for powerful change. In this rare and untypical podcast, Neil goes beyond his thoughts about families, children and teens, and takes on the bigger issues of our society, our political structure, and our planet. Neil does come “back to earth” and offers ways address these issues in families. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a mother whose teenage son has IBS and won’t change his eating habits. Neil explains IBS and leaky gut syndrome and offers this mother a way to push reset in her relationship with her son and empower him to take responsibility for his health. Neil reminds this mother and listeners that we can’t rely on medicine or the medical community to make us healthy or happy; that we all have to be in charge of that for ourselves. Neil points out that the agricultural industry has too much influence over our eating habits and we need to retake control for ourselves. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a mother whose teenage son decided to leave home rather than accept parental consequences and go to therapy. Neil speaks to the importance of kids having a positive healthy welcoming social environment in which to thrive. He addresses the challenges presented to immigrant parents knowing how to advocate for their children in US institutions such as the medical community and schools. In this episode Neil reviews the options of “out of the home programs” and in the home and community treatment. He uses a Santa Cruz County program, Food What, a youth empowerment and food justice organization as an example of a healthy healing positive peer culture. http://www.foodwhat.org Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil talks about the importance of helping our kids develop their executive function by addressing it explicitly. After reviewing a book by Dr. Lara Honos-Webb, Brain Hacks; 50 Strategies and Tips to Improve Executive Functioning—Get Organized, Work Smarter, and Stay Cool Under Pressure, Neil shares his excitement about the empowerment and motivation he experienced and shows how he uses teaching the Big Five areas of executive functioning to his clients in therapy sessions. Neil challenges listeners to make improving executive functioning a family affair. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil answers a question from a psychiatrist who sees certain young adults who need clear limits from their parents, but wonders how to say it so that it isn’t judgmental or out of line. The doctor doesn’t want to keep offering medication trials and avoid the real issue. Neil explains that doctors and all helpers can only offer their knowledge, skill, and tools of the trade, but clients must all take responsibility for their own wellness. Neil shows listeners how to explain the role of family dynamics to families so that they take the next step to action. Neil challenges all listeners to recognize that family dynamics are at play, when the patient isn’t investing in their own recovery. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

: In this episode Neil answers a question from Karen who wants to help your young adult niece “get her shit together”. Neil speaks to the importance and delicacy of establishing a mentoring relationship with an under-functioning young adult. In this podcast, Neil demonstrates a method that can be powerful, helpful, and non-judgmental. In the end, he calls on all family, friends, and professional helpers to be willing to take on mentorship, but to do it in a way that supports the young adult’s goals, and not theirs. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil speaks to an article by Claire Cain Miller of the NY Times regarding woman who change their plans and become at home mom’s after their first child is born. Neil received a question from Judy and Sandy of the Mighty Parenting Podcast about whether this is an example of “over-parenting”. Neil explains what’s different about raising kids today and why being proactive and conscious, as a parent is a good thing. Neil also warns against some common parenting traps that undermine the intentions of good parenting. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil answers a question from a mother about her 19-year-old son. She’s concerned about his anger issues and tells a story about him cheating and blowing up at a card game with family friends. Neil expresses concern that her son is developing a personality disorder and he explains a bit about that disorder. He explains to Mom that her attempts to help her son are in the form of a Control Battle, and he offers her a way to role model apologizing and a positive way to communicate high standards and accountability. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil speaks to the importance of teaching problem solving and goal setting skills to our kids. Neil identifies common problems and ways to engage kids in a solution as well as more proactive kinds of goal setting. Neil challenges parents to role model and teach goal setting to our youngsters. He asserts that it is the ability to set goals and take actionable steps on a regular basis towards those goals that invites health and an empowered “can do” attitude towards life. And isn’t that exactly what we want for our youth? Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Dad who discovered his high performing teenage son is smoking MJ and his daughter has a fake ID. Neil helps this dad focus on responding in a way that will help his teenagers learn and grow and not feel that they can never disappoint their parents. Neil helps all parents know that they can’t and shouldn’t try to raise “perfect Kids” by making their lives “perfect”. Neil explains that many teens aren’t prepared to make healthy decisions when they get to college, because their lives were too structured and there was too much oversight during their high school years. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom who walked in on her son and his girlfriend having sex and freaked out and became unglued. Mom apologized the next day, but then demanded her son apologize for his behavior and for disrespecting her. Now their relationship is at a standstill. Neil takes this difficult situation and breaks it down into several areas of opportunity for Mom’s learning. Neil challenges listeners to examine their reactivity and personalizing and how it limits out comes in their lives. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom who is struggling to get cooperation from her three kids to do simple tasks. Her husband tells her she’s making everyone miserable and she is crazy about cleaning and he says these things in front of the kids. Neil offers this Mom an approach to get her husband and everyone on board for helping in the home. Neil supports Mom’s notion that kids need to clean their rooms and he gives Mom a foolproof strategy to get cooperation. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil reports the shocking results from a survey on Parental Burnout conducted by the Business Performance Innovation Network. The survey reveals most parents experience Parental Burnout and over 40% report they experience it at a significant or profound degree. Neil sees these numbers at a threat to our society and addresses the causes and his vision of health and how to get there. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom struggling to get her five-year-old daughter to stop bugging her to play when she’s trying to do chores, and feeling like “the bad guy” when Dad’s home and gets involved. Neil helps Mom understand her 5-year-old’s needs so that she doesn’t keep seeking negative attention to get attention. Neil recommends some books for Mom and Dad to read and discuss to get on the same parenting plan together. Also, Neil hears the strain of parental burnout with Mom and encourages her to get some down time for herself and for Dad to plan some Dad / Daughter time together. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Dad struggling to connect with his two boys and dealing with his wife’s criticism of his parenting. Dad thinks the main problem is that Mom is too lax and when he’s home, the kids aren’t used to following instructions. Neil realizes that both parents are experiencing parental burnout and both need support from each other, but are feeling depleted and alienated. Neil gives this Dad a way to connect in a positive way both with his wife as well as with his boys. He invites the listeners to pay attention to how they’re feeling and to be cautious about writing negative stories about their spouse when they’re depleted and experiencing PBO. Neil explains that the way to get the support that we want is to offer it to our spouse. That way it opens the support channel in the relationship.

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom trying to get help for her 18 year old son. He graduated high school with honors and has a scholarship to community college, but uses marijuana and puts holes in the wall when he gets angry. Neil offers this Mom a way to push restart in their relationship now that he is entering his young adult college years and how to make a break with the past and establish healthy expectations going forward. In this episode, Neil offers some good advice for counselors and parents to support empowered parenting. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil contrasts two clients he’s worked with, one starting out with personal worth issues and working in a very supportive corporate culture, and another with essentially high self-esteem working in a company whose culture changed for the worse. Neil shows how profound the impact of the work environment was on these two individuals and how they dealt with it and how he dealt with it as their therapist. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom struggling with her health, her business, and her two strong willed daughters. Neil helps this mother see the pattern she is in and how it was “programed” into her in childhood. Neil offers this mom a better way to see herself and a better way to let her daughters see her. Neil invites listeners to examine the messages they internalized in childhood that may still be limiting their happiness and success in adulthood. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom who asks about how to get her 8 year old son to do something he flat out refuses to do, without losing her warm loving relationship with him. Neil uses this Mom’s question to help us see how important it is to have and communicate a positive vision of our kids. It is by holding and communicating this positive vision that children and adolescents learn to believe in themselves and believe in their ability to overcome obstacles. This is how parents gain the moral authority to require kids to do things, they simply don’t want to do. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit