Meg-john And Justin

As we covered in a recent podcast Her Sexual Self, drawing and redrawing our sexual or asexual subjectivities is something that we are all in the process of doing - whether we know it or not. How do we come to know and understand and become our sexual selves? How do we do this when discourses, or should stories, of how we should do our gender and sexuality are so powerful and all around us. What happens in communities, or at an interpersonal level when these stories can be told and retold to others Scott Burnett has written an excellent paper on how men who abstain from masturbating make sense of their sexual subjectivities and how this is produced and reproduced in online communities. Some of this is quite everyday and benign, but some of it is quite troubling. So here’s a warning that some of what we might talk about might refer to racist tropes and sexist and potentially violent views of women. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1097184X211018256# Here are the notes I made before the sho

I'm doing things a bit differently this week as my 'Ask Justin' episode is just me reading out advice which I've written in a column, over at the patreon. I thought I'd try this approach out. I'm more used to writing for young people over at BISH but I might do more of this kind of thing for adults here too. I also thought this would be a nice complementary episode to the last one with Joy Townsend called Her Sexual Self. To read it head to https://www.patreon.com/posts/54220897 (where you can also sign up to get more benefits)

I’m afraid the audio of this episode isn’t as good as usual because we had to rely on the back up recording. Sorry about that. I’m also going to give you a content note here in particular for Natalie’s story where there is a description of a rape. There aren’t graphic details and in the story Natalie has ambivalent feelings about it, but I just wanted to give you a heads up in case you want to skip it. It’s around 28 minutes in and if you skip ahead for 2 minutes from when you first hear Joy mention Natalie’s name then you will miss it. Her Sexual Self: A narrative investigation of young women’s sexual subjectivities Listeners to this show will know that we have always tried to grapple with questions of the personal and the political, the structural and cultural messages that we receive, and the possibilities for agency and freedom to choose within this. It’s hard to articulate and sometimes it means that we have to treat them separately or as things happening in parallel, or by simply just pointing out

Before we start here's some housekeeping. This show is inspired by Time, the drama on BBC 1 that concluded last week and is available on iplayer. It’s not a review of the show but there are a couple of spoilers. We also mention self-harm but don’t go into any detail at all. As you’ll hear Jazz Tehara works in a prison environment with offenders with highly complex and challenging behaviour but with a NHS led pathway strategy in place. So this conversation raises some of the possibilities of what a well funded and resourced prison service, focussing on mental health outcomes and work on masculinities, could look like. Also if you would like to support this podcast please consider becoming a Patron of the show. Just £1 a month will help to pay me to make this show as well as to pay an appearance fee to fellow freelance guests. There are also occasional bits of bonus content for Patrons as well as access to the Discord server where you can chat with other listeners. That’s at patreon.com/culturesexrelationshi

I was delighted to be joined by Juliet Jacques, who is a writer, film maker, and one of our leading cultural commentators. We talked about her latest book Variations which is her debut short story collection. She uses uses fiction inspired by found material and real-life events to explore the history of transgender Britain. Juliet very kindly agreed to do a reading for us where she tells the story of a press intrusion into the life of Laura, a model and actress in the 1950s. We also talk about the transphobia and 'trans discourse' in the mainstream media (and how stupid and reductive this often is) and how the role of fiction and story telling might be a compelling and creative alternative. Variations is out now on Influx Press https://www.influxpress.com/variations Her excellent podcast Suite 212 can be found here https://soundcloud.com/suite-212 and the Patreon for that is here https://www.patreon.com/suite212 If you like this interview and would like to support us, from just £1 a month, please consid

I was delighted to be joined by Jamie Hakim and Ingrid Young to talk about their project ‘Digital Intimacies: how gay and bisexual men use their smartphones to negotiate their cultures of intimacy’. We chat about intimacy and why it’s not just what happens in private between two people but actually the connections we depend on for living - be that public or private. The loss of the possibilities for public intimacy was felt keenly by gay and bisexual men, where, as with for a lot of queer folk, counter public spaces were some of the few places they could 'be'. Interviews with participants reveal how smartphones could open up new avenues of intimacy during a pandemic, just as others are closed down. The opportunities for pause and reflection and new relationships, as well as the possibilities for negotiating safer covid safer sex practices. All of this as a counter to the ‘common sense’ and reductive stereotypes about gay and bi men, technology, and sex. This was a super interesting chat and there’s so much

We did a live stream on our new twitch stream twitch.tv/culturesexrel just now about Eurovision. Here's the audio!

This weeks' Culture Sex Relationships is the 3rd Ask Justin. You send your questions and I try and give great advice. There are three questions this week. One on sex discrepancies and opening up a relationship to non-monogamy. Second is about BDSM and the risks of practising it when you have a straight laced job. The third one is about disentangling arousal and desire and the role of the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system. This last one contains a mention of sexual assault but I don't go into any detail or specifics. If you like this show and would like some more of it, please considering supporting the show on Patreon. patreon.com/culturesexrelationships From just £1 a month would be a great help. If you can afford more so that I can keep as much as this free for others that can't, that would be even better. Thank you! Here are some links I mention For the user guide zines check out megjohnandjustin.com/publications Here's our book https://uk.bookshop.org/books/a-practical-guide-to-sex

I chatted with Sarah from Decrim Now about the laws around sex work and why it's an issue at the moment. We cover the current position (which is partial criminalisation), the Nordic Model (which criminalises the client), and full decriminalisation (which is what sex workers and many big unions and charities are calling for). As I mentioned in last week's show we would please encourage you to use this template to email your MP about it https://decrimnow.eaction.org.uk/nonordicmodel and if you have clout or belong to an organisation that does, please sign the open letter https://decrimnow.org.uk/open-letter-on-the-nordic-model/

Meg-John and I did a show about how we might slowly begin to open up again. How we might be able to make it easier for others. The importance of good consensual processes (and how we can pay attention to those). Here's the excellent infographic we talked about https://twitter.com/CounsellingKaz/status/1381200139839225856?s=19 Here's the link to the open letter put together by Decrim Now for the decriminalisation of sex work https://decrimnow.org.uk/open-letter-on-the-nordic-model/ Support Meg-John's Patreon https://www.patreon.com/MegJohnBarker and please sign up to the Culture Sex Relationships Patreon to help support the show https://www.patreon.com/CultureSexRelationships

This has been out and available on the Patreon feed for a few days now, so you've been denied the freshest of takes until now. If you want to hear future episodes early and in full, then please support the Patreon. I was delighted to be joined by Katherine Angel to chat about her latest book Tomorrow Sex Will Be Good Again. We had to rely on the zoom recording so sorry about the occasional blip in the background. We chatted about the main themes of her book: consent, desire, arousal, and vulnerability. We also chatted a little bit about my book Can We Talk About Consent and compared notes about how a more bottom up approach to understanding sex might be possible. We covered the topic of sexual violence but we didn't go into any detail. It was a really interesting and engrossing chat and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Katherine's book is on sale wherever you get your books. You can also buy direct from the publishers here where it's on sale atm. https://www.versobooks.com/books/3743-tomorrow-sex-

This week we do Freak Nasty: which is both a jam and a bop according to Eleanor. It's an extremely interesting sex jam which flips subjectivities and desire whilst also being extremely interested in non-reproductive forms of sexual activity. As with all the Culture Sex Relationships episodes, this is for over 18s. We swear in this one. In the extra version for Patrons there is a few more minutes chat about the song and also we watch the video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNVuhP8ehdo Hope you like it! Justin

Here are the questions and some of the links I mentioned "Everyone I know and everyone I follow on social media is very pro-vaccines and so I kind of go along with the crowd on this one, without really knowing much, something I’m not proud of and want to change. All of the discourse I see online is very loud and angry and - I’m sure it’s with good reason - but I struggle to build my own stance on it based on this. I was wondering if you could answer something along the lines of ‘How can we practice consent in discussing and making choices around vaccines whilst also protecting each other and especially the most vulnerable in our society?’ I know it’s a big and sensitive topic (especially at the moment) so totally okay if it’s not something you want to tackle right now but thought I’d put it out there just in case." Freedoms and Covid https://www.bishuk.com/relationships/freedoms-and-covid/ Herd immunity https://www.who.int/news-room/q-a-detail/herd-immunity-lockdowns-and-covid-19 Vaccine hesistancy https:

It’s a Sin Review This week I was delighted to be joined by Silva Neves to talk about It’s A Sin, which is a very popular mini-series on Channel 4 (available to watch here) https://www.channel4.com/programmes/its-a-sin What did we think about the show? As viewers and also our thoughts about the show from our perspectives: psychosexual therapist, sex and relationships educator. Here’s my sex education guide to the show for young people https://www.bishuk.com/your-call/a-sex-and-relationships-guide-to-its-a-sin/ You can get in touch with Silva at: www.silvaneves.co.uk If you want to train in clinical sexology: https://www.theinstituteofsexology.org/ Here are the rough notes that we followed for the show. HIV and homophobia (as I say at the beginning of the episode, we focused on homophobia because that was the focus of the show, but clearly there was also explicit biphobia and racism in the reporting of and handling of the pandemic in the 80s and now) Homophobia increased during the 80s, HIV weaponi

I was delighted to be joined today to chat with Meg-John and Alex about their excellent new workbook 'Hell Yeah Self Care!' We chatted about: The importance of self care Why people critique self care Self care as political and anti-capitalist Wellbeing giving self-care a bad name Comparing self-care with the network of care we discussed in the Hologram episode The capacity for doing care and self-care is unfairly distributed Trauma and self-care Reflective self care The kindness cradle of slowness, gentleness, being enough, and consent For the full discussion head to our Patreon where you can hear us chat for another 20 mins about: Somatic self-care Coronavirus, lockdowns and self care It’s really excellent so please do buy it and have a go. It’s playful and interesting whilst also being challenging and gentle. You can get it from most bookshops online, but here’s a nice indie queer publisher https://www.queerlit.co.uk/products/hell-yeah-self-care Justin

"Hey! I want to say thanks for all your work — it’s great and I’ve recommended this podcast to a bunch of mates. You’re really doing a service here and I’m incredibly appreciative. My question is kinda related to covid bubbles and covid horniness. Is it cool to ask someone you’re bubbling with if they want to have sex? Can you do this in a way which doesn’t mess up the delicate ecosystem of the bubble?/ leaves loads of room for them to say no? And in a way where you can maintain Vibes where you’re comfortable with hanging out whatever the outcome? It seems like there’s pros and cons but wondering what your take is and if you’ve any advice as to how to be really careful with consent around this question." [I realise I answered this question assuming the bubbles live together when they might now, but I think the answer still works] Here were my notes for the answer. Change is inevitable, we're always changing. Even thinking this causes a change. Delicate eco system, how? What processes do you have in place

This week we do one of the best Sex Jams of all time Sexual Healing, by the incredible Marvin Gaye. We love this song so much but have you ever read the lyrics? Marvin is really ill and should not be having sex with anyone, in our opinion. Anyway the song still rocks and the video is amazing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjlSiASsUIs If you would like to hear our commentary on the video check out the extended Patreon version of this episode at patreon.com/culturesexrelationships Pay whatever you can afford. Justin

In this episode I’m joined by my pal Sara, to review the Netflix show Bridgerton. Over 63 million people have watched it and apparently it’s the 5th most popular Netflix show of all time. We chatted about race briefly but we focussed on the relationships and sex themes, as the multi-racial casting and inadequate treatment of racism has been covered by others in more detail already. For example this piece https://gal-dem.com/bridgerton-racism-netflix-post-racial-britain/ and this one https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/2020/12/10244616/bridgerton-review-blackness-representation We covered: Romance novels and sexist criticisms of their readership Romance tropes (fake relationship, big misunderstandings) Shame and purity norms Patriarchy How characters did or didn’t have agency in a system with such unjust and scarce capacity for freedom Masturbation and agency Painful first time sex tropes The hegemony of reproductive sex Sexual harms and violence vs legalistic readings of consent Hope you enjoy it! To hear th

This week I chatted with Cassie Thornton and her work 'The Hologram'. The Hologram is a viral, social technology to help us to give and receive peer to peer support for our health. Health here being the biopsychosocial model of health that we've covered in previous episodes. It's such an excellent, simple, and radical idea and is rooted in solidarity and community building. A workbook for how to create your own Hologram, and why it's necessary, has been published by Pluto Press https://www.plutobooks.com/9780745343327/the-hologram/ I read it a few weeks ago and found it really interesting and wanted you to know about it. Join us in our Patreon to hear the full version of this conversation (another 25 mins) where we talk about consent, friendships, masculinities, and self-care and podcasts. patreon.com/culturesexrelationships

Let's all watch the video to Last Christmas by Wham! together. It's definitely not a sex jam, but there's an *interesting* relationship dynamic in the video that we talk about. We explain how you can watch this along with us and when to pause, so we can chat about the various meaningful looks, the brooch, and how beautiful George is. https://youtu.be/E8gmARGvPlI Support us on Patreon! patreon.com/GoingMedieval patreon.com/Culturesexrelationships Have a Christmas! Justin and Eleanor.