Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

Is self-control something you're born with—or something you can teach your kids, starting today? Psychologist and bestselling author Ethan Kross takes us into the science of the inner voice, revealing how our thoughts shape our behaviour—and how we can shape our thoughts. From powerful tools that help children talk to themselves like a friend to simple mindset shifts that build long-term resilience, this conversation is packed with practical wisdom for raising emotionally intelligent, self-regulated kids. KEY POINTS: Self-control is a skill that can be taught and strengthened. The inner voice is a powerful tool in navigating emotions and decision-making. Kids benefit from learning how to create psychological distance during challenges. Techniques like mental time travel and third-person self-talk are effective at all ages. Parents have a unique opportunity to guide how children learn to speak to themselves. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“We’re not born with self-control; we learn it

Could the way we celebrate kids at school actually be leaving many of them behind? In this episode, Dr. Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack the hidden costs of awards, assemblies, and school trips. From motivation to mental health, they explore how traditional recognition systems can impact children—and what we can do instead to help every child feel seen, supported, and valued. KEY POINTS: Awards ceremonies often benefit the same high achievers, leaving many students feeling invisible or unworthy. External rewards can reduce intrinsic motivation, especially in areas of creativity, effort, and behaviour. Assemblies can either unite a community or create anxiety and disconnection, depending on how they're run. Away days and camps offer valuable opportunities for growth—but need to be inclusive and purposeful. Children thrive when they feel seen, valued, and part of something bigger than themselves. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“Kids don’t need a trophy to know they matter. They need co

Justin and Kylie dive into startling new data showing the positive effects of mobile phone bans in Australian schools. They explore statistics that reveal significant improvements in student learning, behaviour, and classroom engagement and reflect on the broader implications for parenting and screen time at home. KEY POINTS: The mobile phone ban in schools has led to 87% of students being less distracted 81% reporting improved learning 63% drop in critical incidents involving social media 54% reduction in behavioural issues Government intervention in screen and phone use is proving effective. Removing screens from classrooms and delaying smartphone access at home are strongly recommended. Analogue tools outperform digital ones in fostering better learning outcomes. Data from vaping bans also support the case for limiting access to harmful digital content. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“Kids don't need smartphones. They need smart parents, and smart parents give their kids dumb phones.&rdqu

Can self-control be taught? In this episode, Justin and Kylie explore the science of self-regulation and how parents can help their kids—and themselves—build better habits. Drawing on an insightful interview with Professor Ethan Kross, author of Chatter, the conversation highlights strategies for boosting motivation, building emotional resilience, and taking control in those tricky moments where willpower fails. KEY POINTS: Self-control is not an innate trait—it's a skill that can be learned and strengthened. Motivation plays a crucial role in our capacity for self-control. External factors like being hungry, angry, lonely, tired, or stressed (HALTS) reduce our ability to regulate ourselves. Self-distancing, including the “Batman Effect,” can help children and adults manage strong emotions and make better decisions. People who appear to have strong self-control often just design their environments to avoid temptation. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“People who seem to hav

Justin and Kylie respond to a heartfelt question from a mum who’s at her wit’s end with her highly creative—but very destructive—three-year-old. From nail polish on couches to crayon art on every surface, they explore what’s developmentally normal, why punishment may backfire, and how parents can redirect energy with connection, supervision, and playful problem-solving. KEY POINTS: Destructive behaviour in young children is often a sign of creativity and a desire to explore. Supervision and engagement are key to reducing mischief. Each child is different; parenting approaches should adapt to each child’s needs and the family’s season of life. Redirection and empathy are more effective than blame and punishment. Quality time and creating opportunities for appropriate creative expression can help children feel seen and understood. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“Kids don’t lie the way adults do—they tell us what they wish the truth was.” KEY IN

Justin and Kylie dive into two powerful reads—Mel Robbins' The Let Them Theory and Sarah Wynn-Williams’ explosive memoir Careless People: A Cautionary Tale of Power, Greed, and Lost Idealism. While Kylie champions the liberating message of letting go of control, Justin offers a scathing but thoughtful critique of Facebook's inner workings, as revealed in Wynn-Williams' book. Together, they unpack how these ideas relate to parenting and the digital world our children are growing up in. KEY POINTS: The Let Them Theory emphasises personal boundaries and not needing to fix or control others. Careless People reveals shocking behind-the-scenes practices at Facebook, particularly how the platform targets emotionally vulnerable teenagers for advertising. The tech industry's influence extends to global politics, youth mental health, and everyday family life. Memoirs can be a powerful vehicle for truth, shedding light on corporate irresponsibility. Parents need to be alert to the digital environme

[R] Australia's most decorated Olympian, Emma McKeon, shares intimate insights about her journey from young swimmer to Olympic champion, revealing the crucial role her parents played in fostering success without pressure. Her story provides a masterclass in supporting children's sporting endeavors while maintaining joy and balance. Key Points: The importance of enjoyment over achievement in youth sports How parental support without pressure builds self-determination Managing early-morning training and self-motivation Balancing multiple activities during teenage years Transforming competition anxiety into positive energy Quote of the Episode: "They never pressured me either way to swim or not to swim... They just wanted me to enjoy what I was doing and be happy in what I was doing, find something I was passionate about." Key Insights: Success comes from internal motivation, not external pressure The value of maintaining multiple interests and activities How to handle failure and setbacks constructively The

In this episode of the Happy Families podcast, Justin and Kylie Coulson reflect on the challenges of parenting, from managing big emotions to keeping the household running smoothly. They discuss the importance of family meetings, handling difficult conversations with kids, and creative ways to encourage household contributions. KEY POINTS: Navigating difficult emotional conversations with children. The power of apologizing and reconnecting after conflict. Establishing family meetings for better communication and teamwork. Encouraging kids to contribute to the household with fun, creative chore names. The importance of consistency in family meetings and accountability.   QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:"The hardest thing as a parent is sitting in a place when your child is having big emotions that generally speaking, are pointed directly at you." – Kylie Coulson   RESOURCES MENTIONED: Happy Families website ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Practice active listening when your child shares their

Is having a favourite child real, or is it just perception? In this episode of The Happy Families Podcast, Justin and Kylie Coulson dive into the research on parental favouritism, exploring why some children may seem more favoured than others. They discuss how personality traits, gender, and birth order play a role in parental preference and share practical strategies to ensure all children feel valued and loved. KEY POINTS: The concept of favouritism and how it manifests in families. Research findings on parental preference for daughters over sons. Why conscientious and agreeable children tend to receive more positive attention. The impact of favouritism on self-esteem and sibling relationships. Strategies to ensure children feel equally loved and valued. PERSONAL STORIES SHARED: Kylie’s experience with favouritism growing up and her sisters’ perceptions. Justin reflecting on his own childhood as the eldest of six children. Parenting experiences in the Coulson household, in

A shocking 90% of Australian baby and toddler foods fail to meet international guidelines, yet manufacturers employ deceptive marketing tactics to make us believe they're healthy choices. In this eye-opening episode, paediatric dietitian Kareena Savage reveals how "organic" labels and Health Star Ratings can mislead parents, with some toddler snacks containing more sugar than white chocolate. Learn practical strategies for decoding food labels, avoiding nutritional traps, and creating healthier, more affordable lunchboxes your kids will actually eat. Quote of the Episode: "We as parents in 2025 have it tougher than any other parent has ever had it in terms of trying to understand what is a healthy food choice for our child or for our family." Key Points: Food manufacturers use deceptive marketing, with 90% of Australian baby/toddler foods failing international guidelines. Many products marketed as healthy (like "97% fruit and yoghurt") contain more sugar than white chocolate. When reading food labels, check

Is your child struggling with empathy, social skills, or thinking beyond their own wants? In this episode, Justin and Kylie Coulson tackle a question from a concerned parent about an 8-year-old who seems self-centred, struggles with friendships, and resists considering others' feelings. They break down key strategies to foster empathy, encourage connection, and navigate discipline without frustration. KEY POINTS: Why some children seem more self-focused than others. The role of personality, temperament, and developmental differences. The importance of listening over excessive explaining. Why "I don’t care" is often a defence mechanism. How to move from reactive discipline to problem-solving. The power of calm conversations outside of emotional moments. PERSONAL STORIES SHARED: Justin and Kylie reflect on their own parenting experiences, discussing how their children perceive and react to situations differently despite growing up in the same household. Insights from psychology on why si

Science confirms what our grandparents instinctively knew—children who engage in risky outdoor play develop better motor skills, higher self-esteem, improved social behaviour, and greater problem-solving abilities. Counterintuitively, keeping kids at low heights doesn't prevent injuries, as most fractures occur close to the ground anyway. When we let children climb high, use sharp tools, play with dangerous elements, and occasionally disappear from adult supervision, we're not being negligent—we're helping them develop crucial life skills that no amount of supervised indoor activities can provide. Quote of the Episode: "When did injuring yourself become such a big deal? I mean, when we were kids, it was so exciting to walk in and see that somebody had a cast on their arm—the superhero in the classroom." - Justin Coulson Key Points: Risky play is different from hazardous activity—the child can assess the risk themselves and there's a clear benefit. Children who engage in risky play sho

Why do so many girls and women feel like they’re never “enough” when it comes to their appearance? In this powerful episode, Dr. Renee Engeln, author of Beauty Sick, joins Justin Coulson to explore the deep-rooted cultural obsession with beauty that shapes how girls and women see themselves. From five-year-olds already worrying about dieting to teens tying their self-worth to their looks, we discuss how self-objectification, social media, and unrealistic beauty standards impact mental health and self-esteem—and, more importantly, how we can help the next generation break free from beauty sickness. KEY POINTS: How self-objectification starts young—why even five-year-olds worry about their bodies. The role of social media in reinforcing beauty standards and distorting self-worth. Why puberty makes body image issues worse for girls while often benefiting boys. The pressures of perfection on women—from “mum jeans” to Botox and beyond. The hidden costs

Today's episode is taken from the Happy Families Bringing Up Boys Summit. Dr Arne Rubinstein is the author of The Making of Men, and discusses with Justin the idea of a boys “rite of passage”.  Get the Bringing Up Boys Summit for $99 (50% off) until March 31st, 2025. The Miss-Connection Summit is also available for $99 until March 31st, 2025.   Find us on Facebook at Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families Email us your questions and comments at podcasts@happyfamilies.com.auSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Netflix series Adolescence isn’t just gripping television—it’s a wake-up call about the hidden struggles of modern boyhood. In this episode, we unpack the toxic pressures shaping boys today, from social media’s influence to the outdated expectations of masculinity. How do we protect our sons from a system that fails them? What can parents do to guide them toward healthy manhood? Let’s explore the hard truths and actionable steps every parent needs to know. KEY POINTS: Adolescence forces us to ask not who committed the crime, but why? The "Man Box" and "Boy Code" are shaping boys in ways many parents don’t realize. Social media is accelerating boys’ exposure to toxic masculinity. Boys like Jamie aren’t born violent—this ecosystem shapes them. Schools, parents, and tech companies all play a role in this crisis. PERSONAL STORIES SHARED: How watching Adolescence made me rewrite parts of my book on raising bo

What happens when the mirror moves from our wall to our head? In this preview of Saturday's interview with Professor Renee Engeln, discover how beauty sickness affects women and girls, why being "ladylike" might mean "stay small," and how to teach children to value their bodies for what they can do rather than how they look. Plus, understand why having two social media accounts might signal a deeper cultural problem. Quote of the Episode: "Bodies are super cool... teach your children about how cool they are, like all the amazing things they can do—not so they can look good to other people." Key Insights: Self-objectification develops when external scrutiny becomes internal. Beauty standards affect women disproportionately. "Ladylike" behaviour often teaches girls to stay small. Social media creates additional appearance pressure. Cultural expectations create exhausting beauty demands. Body appreciation should focus on function over appearance. Simple activities like hugging and smiling show body value.

Getting enough sleep is the number one parenting hack, but what happens when your children won't cooperate? Historically, humans slept in groups, which explains why your child resists sleeping alone. Breaking free from bedtime battles requires giving children a voice in their routine, changing your perspective on this fleeting season, and doing whatever it takes to ensure everyone gets some rest—even if that means musical beds at 2 a.m. Key Points: Force creates resistance—the more you try to control bedtime, the more children push back. Giving children a voice through family meetings or one-on-one discussions about bedtime helps them buy into routines. Humans historically slept in groups—our desire for children to sleep independently is relatively recent. Changing your perspective to see this as a season that will pass can help reduce frustration. Sometimes the practical solution is simply "do what it takes"—even if that means musical beds at 2 a.m. Dental hygiene matters—paren

Stop trying to control other people's moods, opinions, and behaviours—it's exhausting and impossible. Instead, try Mel Robbins' revolutionary "Let Them Theory" which teaches two simple words—"let them"—to reclaim your power and energy. When you stop obsessing over what others think or do, you finally focus on what matters: your own life. But that's only half the equation. The crucial second step is saying "let me" take action on what I CAN control. # Quote of the Episode: "The truth is other people hold no real power over you unless you give it to them." - Mel Robbins   Key Points: The Let Them Theory consists of two parts: "let them" (accepting what others do) and "let me" (choosing your own response). When you stop trying to manage other people's emotions and behaviours, you reclaim your energy. "Let them" doesn't mean being a doormat—it means acknowledging you can't control others. Your happiness is tied to your actions, not someone else's behaviour, opinions, or moods. Hackin

When children need to talk, they'll give subtle clues that most parents miss completely. Recognising these moments and responding with actual listening—not advice, stories, or solutions—creates connections that last decades. The secret? Summarise what they say instead of steering the conversation. Most children never reveal their real issue first, which means parents who jump in with solutions are missing what their children truly need: to be understood. Quote of the Episode: "Understanding is the deepest hunger of the human heart." - Stephen Covey (quoted by Ross Judd) Key Points: Children rarely reveal their real issue first—they test the waters with a "safe" topic before sharing what's really bothering them. Look for unusual behaviour or emotional signals that indicate your child needs to talk. Taking control of the conversation prevents your child from getting to the deeper issue. The art of summarising (repeating back what your child has said) is the key to effective listening. Our bra

Is traditional schooling the only path to success? In this eye-opening episode, Justin and Kylie challenge the conventional approach to education, sharing their journey through homeschooling and industry-based schooling with their daughter, Lily. They discuss why so many kids feel disconnected from mainstream education, the power of hands-on learning, and how alternative schooling models are helping students find passion, purpose, and career opportunities. If you’ve ever worried about whether the standard school system is serving your child, this episode is a must-listen! KEY POINTS: Many kids feel disconnected from traditional schooling because it lacks real-world application. Industry schools combine formal education with hands-on experience, giving kids exposure to different careers. Parents often fear that alternative education means failure, but in reality, it can lead to greater success and fulfillment. The stigma of leaving mainstream school is often more about parental concerns than what’